Friday, August 1, 2008

"Can you get to a future if your past is present?"

Big Continued......

So like all Mr. Big's he was a main part of my past and perhaps helped influence in a way certain aspects of my life. In part because of him I am the person I am today. But what happens when that skeleton falls out of the closet? Can you push it back in and hide it once again behind your rows of clothes?

I think I may be past that point. With Mr. Big it seems there is always that level of comfort there. I know what to expect and not to expect. I know him and at times it seems he knows me better than I know myself. But each moment we spend together seems like a moment stolen from time. Time stops and nothing else matters. We are standing still not moving forward yet not moving backwards.

I am trying to live in the moment and enjoy each one as it comes with no hopes for the future and no reflection on the past. But with to much time on my hands sometimes my mind tends to wander. Together we talk about the future and each time it seems to be implied we will have a future together. But what is it that we have now in the present? A few stolen kisses and empty promises spoken into the night?

So now I am trying to learn how I can move into the future when my past is now the present. Kenny Chesney's 'Better as a memory than as your man' plays in my head and I wonder if those words may be true. Do I want Mr. Big to leave my past and move into my future? Or are some things better left in the past?

1 comment:

jwriter said...

First of all let me ask? Why hasn't no one commented on these post? They are so good! Second I think some things in your past should stay in the past.