Friday, August 29, 2008

~ Lady Luck ~

For some reason I have been in such a good mood lately. As I said before I feel like things are going to start going my way. Well it seems they are! In two weeks Blondie, Vivi, Vixen and myself will board a plan headed to warm tropical destinations. Once we land we will board a cruise in which we plan on soaking up the sun while drinking drinks that require little umbrella's. Yes, we plan on being young and carefree! I can't wait I've never flown before so I'll admit I'm a little nervous.... but hey I got 3 of my best friends with me so I know I'll be ok!

Maybe I'm in such a good mood that nothing will bring me down... so I go to pick up lunch today and I have the sudden urge to talk to Big. I quickly push this feeling aside, refusing to make contact with him. I sit at the drive-thru waiting on my lunch (which I might add here was not good) and that little voice once again persists that I send Big a text. I'm in such a good mood I think what the hell and dig my phone out of my purse. I sent a quick 'hope your having a good day' text and instantly feel glad I sent it. Why? Not sure just one of those weird vibes. I didn't expect him to reply, but Big, always being full of surprises, did. This time my heart didn't flutter as it usually does and I didn't feel those butterflies in my stomach that so often go along with contact from him. Maybe I really am letting go....... I know you just told yourself 'yeah right'. And I know your right I mean after all it's Big. Can one really ever let their version of Big go? Even when we think we have, we are only fooling ourselves. He's like a scar that will never truly fade. And you know I think I'm ok with that. I just have to stop making him something that he's not and probably never will be. I need to see him for who he is not the person I want him to be.

"There's always that one guy that you will always go back to. Even though you
date other people in between, you always in the back of
your mind hoping you run into that guy"

"do you realize what you are to me? what your always going to be?
your my first love. the love of my life.
there will never be another you."

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