Sunday, August 17, 2008

Spirits of Relatonships past

"When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?" ~ Carrie SATC

Interesting question. Makes you think doesn't it? Makes you stop and think about those ghosts in the closet. Do we ever really give them up? Apparently I do not. I have dated more than my share of guys but only three that I would label with the term 'relationship'. Is that sad? On second thought to answer that question - no, not considering I dated one of those for over 7 years.

Anyway yes, I guess I have been haunted by relationships past. Like for years I always felt bad about my first, what I would call real, relationship. I will call him PL because he was my first puppy love. PL was a great guy. Sweet, charming, and worshiped the ground I walked on. I mean really at 16 what more could a girl have wanted? Did I mention he was cute? Well he was cute, hell I woulda considered him outta my league but yet he was mine for over a year. And then I broke his heart. I always felt bad about that. This ghost haunted me up until Halloween when I was 21 (?) maybe 22 (?). Don't remember how old I was but I do know I was old enough to drink cause I was in a bar and to intoxicated to drive. PL was there and he had also had to much to drink but our mutual friend (his driver) had not and they offered to give me a ride home as well. Anyway long story short we stopped at the gas station and while friend was out of the truck PL tried to kiss me. I was drunk but not that drunk and I was in dire need to get things off my chest. I had felt bad for so long about the way I had treated him. So I delivered my drunken apology. He listened and then thanked me and told me it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to him. Did I let him kiss me? No, some roads do not need to be traveled back down ~ definitely no drinking and driving, so to speak. But I did let him hug me good night and walk me to the door. I still see PL from time to time but now I talk to him with no regrets about the past. With that apology I was free. But his ghost has always been with me reminding me to think before I jump.

And the ghost of Big.... well.... we can see he is still haunting me. And X I'd say will also haunt me for years to come. But maybe that's a good thing. I think the ghost is there as a reminder and helps you to become a better person within a relationship. So I think I will be forever haunted by those ghost but after contemplating it I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing.....

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