Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The X Factor

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." ~ Seneca
I think I have held back long enough and it has now reached the point where I must explain about how and why I am now starting over in my life. Enter stage right - the X factor.

I met him when I was 17 and a senior in High School. He was a cute green eyed boy that caught my eye and I knew from the moment I saw him that I had to have him plain and simple. We dated thru the remainder of High School and into College. Over the years there were several signs that perhaps he was not the one for me but I ignored those signs and continued down the familiar beaten path. I dated him all the way thru college and I guess we had been dating about 3 years when he proposed. We were then engaged 1 month shy of 3 more years when we got married. The wedding was simple yet beautiful and was what I wanted down to a T. Another sign should have been I spent the entire day with my girls and only a short time with him. But again I will chalk that up to being young, dumb, and blinded by the wedding day sparkles.

A month before the wedding we purchased our first house. Even though we had dated over 6 years we had never lived together and due to my Southern value roots I did not think it was appropriate. Looking back now I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd have lived with him first. So life was changing quickly. We married and moved into the new house and started our lives together. X had always liked to drink but it had always seemed to be a social thing. Another big red warning flag should have been he had never lived on his own. So with the new freedom he seemed to be drinking everyday.

Now I don't want to talk bad about X because he really is a nice guy. I will just state the problem got to be more than I could handle and when I could no longer help him I realized I had to help myself. After an argument I came home and he had moved all his stuff out of the house. If that had never happened we may still be together because I would never have realized that I can make it on my own.

He was gone a week and wanted to come back home. But it was to late; to me he was gone forever. This may sound harsh and at times it has been hard to deal with but I know in my heart it is for the best. X has said he has stopped drinking and wanted to give it a second chance. Which I strongly considered. I mean its hard to throw away 8 years of your life. But he hasn't changed he's still that cute boy I met in High School. The one that at one time I was blinded to his faults but now I see the selfishness in his ways. Maybe one day he will grow up to become a man. But I don't expect that day to come anytime soon.

So the papers were filed and I am now again single and starting over..... So here's to new beginnings.


jwriter said...

I'm a huge advocate for marriage! I especially think that marriage is a gift from God and that marriage takes work. But society in my opinion no longer values marriage and no one takes the time to teach us or our generation how to do the work of marriage. They only show us the fairytale, (for me I sometimes see it as a free pass to have all the sex i want and not feel guilty, I'm a Christian and I really want to live for Christ, so sex outside of marriage is not a good thing, but shoot I don't know what to say... I really want to get married, but I do have that fear. For me divorce is not an option, but man the way the world is maybe marriage isn't either.

Unwritten said...

2008 was the first year I have spent single since 1998. My boyfriend of 9 years and I broke up last January. It was hard but I realized I spent too much time waiting for the man I hoped he would become. Our relationship was as immature as it was when we first started dating.
He was my first and so far only love and letting go was hard. Now I see that I needed this. I never had the time to grow on my own. Finally, at 28, I am living my life on my terms.
So I think I would have done what you did.