Thursday, September 11, 2008


Note: I wrote this when I was very upset, since I have calmed down.... Still pissed - think I may let Blondie go ahead and punch him but I keep my head up and keep smiling!

Rage. Red, black dark rage. I feel my body almost tremble at the anger pent up inside. My checks flame and I try to calm myself down. Deep breaths but nothing works. I just want to cry. I'm one of those people that when I get so mad and I can't do anything about it I just want to cry. Maybe that helps release the frustration. So basically X has been out of my life awhile now but is apparently still screwing me. Well screwing me over. And you know today I woke up kinda sad and depressed because it was today 4 years ago that he proposed to me. I was feeling nostalgic and missing him. But like always he does something that reminds me why I am better off without him. I don't want to go into details but lets just say we have our house for sale and we agreed I can live in it till it sells. Well I have a bunch of money tied up in the house and he has zero, zilch, nada. So basically he owes me money in which I will never see. So while I'm struggling to make ends meet (and not making half the money I need to do that) he is out buying motorcycles and new cars! Let me explain why I'm bitter. It seems from the divorce he is the one that came out to the good. He walked away with his truck paid off and all the furniture (which he sold). He also got to keep his job, we worked together I had been there 7 years and him about 3. I was the more valuable employee but because I was the one who wanted the divorce I had to go. So no money, no job and broken dreams. That is what I walked away with. And I'm out a pretty big sum of money. Fair? No. But what can I do? I keep waiting for him to do the right thing but it becomes more obvious with each day that passes that he's not going to.

Ok took a pause went and got some lunch ~ I've calmed down now...... well somewhat. I called X and we may at least be on the same page now. Who knows. I'm just waiting for the next big explosion. But tomorrow morning I will board a plane and get the hell out of dodge. Which I think is the best thing I can do right now. I need to get away and leave X and all the troubles behind!

No comments: