Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Paying it Forward ~ Charge It On My Account

Remember the hot guy from high school? The guy that all the girls were in love with. Not the cocky, football star. He was a jock and had to know he was cute yet he was still down to earth and nice. I'm sure every high school had one. Mine did. And let me tell you he was not hot, he was HOT!!! He had beautiful brown eyes, and a cute boyish smile that could melt you every time. I was lucky enough to consider this boy a friend even though like every other girl in school I had a huge crush on him. He was two grades ahead of me and after he graduated we kept in touch for awhile but over the years we lost contact.

Then today I get a facebook (which is so not as good as myspace) friend request. I open it up and it's him! The high school hottie!! The 16 year old girl within me excitedly accepts and clicks on his page. But wait........ what's happened? His cute boyish face has given way to that of a, slightly overweight in the I-work-out-to-much way, man. I am almost saddened by this change. Guess that goes to show if your hot in high school you may not be later. And if your a dork in high school you might really be just a late bloomer. That's mean to say. He still looked good but the years have not been as kind as I hoped they had.

Now my neurosis of the day. The over-analyzer in me coming out. I have been afraid things with Fire Guy were to easy. I keep waiting for an explosion. I stick by the rule of don't contact the guy let him contact you. Call it old fashioned, but it does work. There are always exceptions to this rule however. After we left the house yesterday morning I didn't hear another word from Fire Guy all day. Which I knew from the conversation the night before that he had a lot of paperwork to catch up on, so I wasn't surprised not to hear from him. Well I knew this morning he had a test to take so I sent a text wishing him good luck.......... no response. That was fine though because I figured he may already be taking the test (not sure what time it was). So I'm bored at work - slow day. I log onto myspace. Read the few messages I have, etc. Then I notice he's online. So obviously he's done with the test. Yet I still haven't heard from him. Maybe he didn't do so good, who knows. I will not make further contact. And I'm pissed that here I sit wondering why I haven't heard from him. This is why I refuse to get attached. At this point I can still walk away. I guess I'm afraid of getting in any deeper. I know I just keep waiting for something to go wrong. But I know I'm not the only one who has been burned and does this. We persecute new guys for the old guys mistakes. Is it fair? No. But it does give a whole new meaning to paying it forward.

"The only one who should have to pay for a bad relationship is the person in your next relationship."

~ Miranda, SATC ~

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