Friday, November 7, 2008


Today Vixen went in search of a wedding dress. I was slightly bummed because seeing as she is my best friend I hated I couldn't go with her, I had to work. She is going again tomorrow so hopefully I'll be able to leave work early and go with her..... but I'll just have to wait and see.

It is drawing nearer to the two year anniversary of the day my father passed away, making this a hard time of year. Also my bosses father has recently been diagnosed with cancer so that weighed heavy on the air today at work. This brought forth all those old feelings. The helplessness of knowing that the cancer is to far gone and there is nothing that can be done. I'm so numb. I held it together all day at work but as soon as I got in the car I busted out into tears. I feel myself drawing up into my shell. I don't want to face the outside world. I don't even want to talk to my closest friends, because I don't know what to say. X went thru the whole thing with me and knows how hard it was and has still been on me. So he checked on my periodically throughout the day. I don't know why, maybe because he was there, but he is the only person I feel I can really talk about this with. So I guess I am a little overwhelmed and emotionally overloaded.

I apologize because I have a feeling the next few days posts will be rather emotional and perhaps downcast. Perhaps this was not the month to pick for blogging everyday..... I was very much a daddy's girl so the loss of him affected me tremendously and to be honest I have not been the same person since we found out he was diagnosed. We all have milestones in our lives that shape the person that we become. Some are good, some are not, and some come all to soon.

"Oh my God. I've become my father. I've been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn't see this coming.”
~ Rachel, Friends ~

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