Saturday, March 7, 2009

The Old Me's Dead & Gone

Note to self: some things are never a good idea.

So in a sense the old me is dead and gone. Which I'm not 100 percent sure is a good thing. I have spent my entire life being a people please-er. Every step I take or action I did was thoroughly thought out and each possible outcome was anticipated. I never lived in the moment. Never. Didn't happen. I also would always remove myself from situations that could be misconstrued (well prior to last year).

The new me I have realized has a I-don't-care attitude. Instead of removing myself from situations I remain in them. No lines are crossed, yet it is a gray area - like I'm waiting to see what will play out. This really is not always such a great idea. In the end I feel that my inaction could be seen just as badly as action itself.

Ah hell your only young once. Live with no regrets. Vivi told me that if it's something that made you smile than it was worth while.

Still though the old me may be dead and gone, but the new me is not really the person I want to always be. I always liked being the "good girl". I need to find a happy medium. I'm tired of feeling guilt for just allowing myself to be in a situation even though I did nothing wrong. I've went from one extreme to the other now I must find the balance in between. But how exactly do I do that?

"I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west Still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north, Swallow that pill That they call pride
The old me is dead and gone, The new me will be alright"
~ T.I. & Justin Timberlake, Dead & Gone ~

No comments: