Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Bartender, "So u ladies want another round of drinks? We're open till 10...."
E, "No thanks, my driver here has had enough."
Bartender, "I will call your boyfriends to come get y'all"
E, "Good luck finding 'em."
Vixen, "If u find those SOBs tell them we've been looking for them."
Bartender pauses..... then proceeds with a smile, "So how you ladies doin?"
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
All my horse friends have known what I have been looking for a new horse and I have had all of them keeping an eye out for me. BB is standing next to a pretty bay filly. "My stirrups are a little long for you but get on her and rider her around." He hands me the reins.
I took the reins from him and hopped on. I liked the looks of her but looks and feel are 2 very different things. I sit balanced my legs hanging loosely as I am nowhere near as tall as BB.
"She has a good handle." BB says walking beside us as we exit the barn heading out into the bright sunshine. "And she's bred right."
"But is she is fast?" I laugh.
He smiles up at me, "I don't know I haven't asked her to be yet but I think she will be. To young to tell."
He walks over to another friend as I ride her around the sale yard. I ask her to trot and she eases into it smoothly. I touch the rein to her neck and she spins around. I like her. She is only a 2 year old and has had only 60 days of training but her potential is obvious.
I climb off of her and hand BB back the reins. "Well, what do ya think?"
I know the business well enough to know that you never let on how much you like them. In sales that always makes the cost go up. Even though BB is like family I hold my cards close, "She's nice. How much you want for her?"
We are walking back toward the barn and it is just the 2 of us. "I'm telling everyone ____ but if you want her ______." he says knocking 300 off the price.
I nod my head knowing with her breeding she is worth it but also that she is out of my price range. We talk a little longer than I wander off to check out the rest of the horses arriving. But I already know in my gut she is the one.
After some time I drift back to where she is tied up by herself. I start my inspection of her feet, her legs - checking for anything that could cause future problems. I find none. She has a sweet disposition and kind eyes. Yeah I want her.
The night goes on. I keep an eye on her and feel nervous as others stop to look at her. BB and I stand watching the sale and others coming by. "If you don't like her I'll keep looking for you," he says.
"I like her, I just can't afford her," I admit.
"Well how much can you give me for her."
"Alot less than that," I laugh honestly.
"Do you want me to keep her, or can I run her thru the sale?"
"No run her thru."
"Are you going to be mad at me if I sell her?"
"If she brings ____ I can sell her?"
I laugh and punch his arm, "Yes if she brings that much you better sell her."
"If she brings more than that I'll split the difference with you and we'll put it toward finding you a barrel horse," BB grins.
Mom has arrived by this time and is also checking out the surroundings. We had brought a horse tonight to sell as well. One that I hoped would be a new barrel prospect but wasn't quite up to par.
The sale began and horses started going thru. My little filly was one of the first. I stood in the back waiting to ride our horse thru and Mom went into watch the filly going thru saying she would bid on her for me. BB glanced back at me as he rode into the the sale part of the barn, the door closing behind him. I sat atop my big paint unable to see the action but listening to the ramblings of the auctioneer as he rambled numbers quickly. I closed my eyes and sent a prayer up to dad telling him if I don't get her I just know that means there is another one out there I am meant to have. Then as quickly as it had begun it was over. In the muffle I couldn't tell if BB had sold her or not.
I look up and mom is coming toward me. I have a sinking feeling just knowing that she went for to much. But she smiles at me as she holds up a set of papers, "You got her." I break into a huge grin.
“A horse is the projection of peoples' dreams about themselves - strong, powerful, beautiful - and it has the capability of giving us escape from our mundane existence.”
~ Pam Brown ~
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Everything about the night was great ~ the kabobs, the smores, the conversations, and the gazillion pics we took. The night was beautiful and as I sat around the bonfire I leaned back in my chair to look up at the stars thankful for the night in itself.
Shortly after midnight I climbed the stairs and changed into PJ's and collapsed on the air mattress. The previous days and lack of sleep catching up with me. My phone goes off. Part of me wants to ignore it but the curiosity gets to me and I roll over to retrieve my phone. Marine1.
He has called me once already and sent numerous messages throughout the night. He is based about 7 hours from here so he decided to come home for the weekend. On his ride home Friday he had inquired about hanging out that night but I was working at Sports Bar and had to decline. Yesterday he asked about my plans and I had told him of the Engagement party/cookout. He acted interested but it was not my place to invite him. Besides he had other plans.
I reply and place the phone back down and then fall into a peaceful sleep. Several hours later my phone starts ringing. I quickly grab it press the button and go into the hall so not to wake up Vivi, Vixen and Girlfriend.
"Hello," I whisper still half asleep.
"Hey," comes the deep familiar voice of Marine1, "Where are you at?"
"Giggles and BF's."
"What are you doing?"
"I was sleeping," I stress.
"Oh sorry...... what time is it?"
I take the phone away from ear and glance at the display, "3:30." I reply frustrated.
"Oh...... I'm sorry didn't mean to wake you up. Didn't realize it was that late."
"What's up?" Usually I'm a little nicer but its 3:30 a.m. get to the point.
"Nothing. Just wondering what you were doing."
I sigh, "Ok well I'll call you in the morning."
"Ok. Good Night."
I hang up and head back to the comfort of the air mattress. In route my phone vibrates in my hand. I open the message.
Marine1: Let's go to your house and passout
You have got to be kidding me. I go out in the hall again and call him back. I now learn he wound up going with some people to a house party and now he is stranded there. He doesn't have his car and he is beyond ready to go. I tell him to go to sleep and I'll come get him in the morning. He then tells me there is nowhere for him to sleep and he proceeds to beg.
I've been there before. Being somewhere you didn't want to be and wanting to leave and being unable to. Anyone else who has been in this position can relate to how much it sucks. Sigh. "I'll be there in 3o minutes....... and by the way you so owe me big time!"
All my friends said I was stupid for going but if it would have been one of them I would have done the same.
I head outside in my pj's my stuff in hand. I climb in the 4runner and head to town. I have never been to this place before but it is 20 seconds if that from town and was easy to find. As I turn on the road I call Marine1 and tell him to be outside waiting that I'm not getting out of the car. I pull in the driveway and what should be the first car I see? Big's Jeep.... apparently things in couple-land are not going so good. I feel a moment of sympathy for him but it is quickly gone along with any other thoughts of him as Marine1 climbs in the car.
"Thank you." He says with a grin before I can say anything.
"Yeah, Yeah." I grumble and head toward home.
We arrive shortly and I enter the house and fall into bed as he heads towards the kitchen for a glass of water. Oh yes the bed beats the air mattress any day!
A moment later as I lie in the darkness I feel the bed shift as the weight of Marine1 climbs in. He scoots close and puts his arm around me. This is the main part I miss about being in a relationship, sleeping with someone (and I do mean just sleeping). I like being held while I sleep. Feeling someone beside you. As I snuggle up next to him I drift off.
This morning I awoke to the sun streaming thru the windows announcing the arrival of another beautiful day. I roll over buring my face in the pillow not yet ready to start the new day. I can't fall back asleep. I feel Marine1 from behind me start to stir as well. "Good morning," He mumbles buring his face in my hair.
"I'm not ready to get up," I admit.
"Then lets not."
I laugh at the simple reply as I reach for the remote and flip on the TV. We lay there in silence just enjoying the companionship as we watch I Am Legend. My phone starts ringing Vixen's tone and I sit up and reach over to answer it.
"So have sex last night?"
My back is still to Marine1 but I know my cheeks are flaming, "No," I laugh.
"Yeah right. You had sex last night."
"No I really didn't." Not knowing how else to respond so that Marine1 doesn't know what I am talking about.
The conversation continues a moment longer then I tell her bye. As I hang up and go to set the phone down Marine1 is laughing. "So we had sex last night?"
I laugh to realizing he heard the entire conversation, "Apparently."
He shakes his head and reaches up for me pulling me back down beside him. We watched a little more of the movie and then got up to start the day. I had things to do and he needed to get home and get ready to head back to base.
I dropped him off at his car and like always he says he will call and tells me when he next plans on coming home again. As he goes to get out of the car he pauses and thanks me again for coming to get him.
"That's what friends are for." I reply with a half-smile.
As I drive I think about the situation. I'm not ready for a relationship. I have stated that over, over, and over again. I mean I spent over 7 years trying to make someone else happy. It's my turn. And the thing about going on dates is the internal fear of the feeling that it might actually start "going somewhere". Yeah that scares the crap out of me. But lets face it there are somethings I do miss about being in a relationship; ie cuddling. The great thing about Marine1 is we hang out, we laugh, we have fun, we kiss occasionally, we cuddle, and then he goes back to base. If he calls great. If he doesn't that's ok to. The fact is he is not around all the time and there is no pressure. Even though neither of us says it we both know it will go nowhere. We live in the moment. Not thinking about the last nor even considering the fact there may be another in the future. No pressure. He can date, I can date. No ties. I've never experienced anything like this. Being so emotionally unattached to a situation. I think the helpless romantic in me may have finally given up or at least taken a much needed vacation.
My friends may not understand it. But right now I think it's just what I need.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
A quick text to Vivi, who is already there, tells me the show has not yet started. I'm going to meet my girls Vivi and Vixen and others at the concert so I know despite the rain it will be a fun night. I bought the ticket to go with them in the first place just last minute Babbles and Girlfriend bought tickets and so I could work later I decided to ride down with them.
Babbles parks the car, I throw on the light jacket I had brought pulling the hood over my head in a vain attempt to stay dry. The 3 of us walk briskly perhaps thinking the faster we walk the less water will hit us..... doesn't really make sense but neither does saying "we were walking fast to get inside so we could stand in the rain....."
We get inside and I send a text to Vivi who was going to save us a place next to them on the lawn. Except they are no longer on the lawn. They got pit passes....... Ok............. Were you able to get us passes............... no....................... ok how do we get them................... look for them.....................We walk around in search but my luck is not that good. ~ Ok its standing in the rain for us 3 chicas. Oh well at this point we are all soaking wet. The three of us laugh out at our fate as we stand and listen to one of the opening bands who I had been really excited to see. They put on a great show but as we stand there we see the storm, which now includes lightening, moving closer to us rather than away. The opening band has now the left the stage and we are waiting for the main event. The lawn of venue is scattered with people, all of which are drunk or stoned, and oblivious to the lightening streaking across the sky.
Do we wait it out or go? We could care less about the rain. We're already wet. But the lightening that keeps getting closer and more frequent is a deciding factor. Fuck it lets go. The sky opens up in a downpour as we run to the car. Yes, we ran.
I enjoyed hanging out with Babbles and Girlfriend but it was a waste of 50bucks plus 20 for parking and gas. And I'll admit I was envious and jealous of Vivi and Vixen as they got to see the whole concert from close up while staying nice and dry.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Great......... I knew there would be a run in sooner or later. Maybe there will be so many people there that he won't see me and vice versa...... Yeah i'm not that lucky.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I tell you all this to lead up to today.....
Vixen has been talking to this guy who is drop-dead-model-gorgeous. I mean HOT does not even begin to justify how gorgeous this guy is. But like most cute guys he is cocky and just oozes something that sends off those danger signs flashing, "Player Alert, Player Alert!!!" But like a moth to a flame girls still flock to him. However Vixen, don't let her sweet smile fool you, can be quite the player herself. Not looking for a relationship she sees this type of guy as a challenge almost. Or at least ideal date candidate because it is a 100 percent guarantee he is not looking for a relationship either. Perhaps though because he has been blessed with good looks I will assume he was not blessed with a brain nor common sense. I mean how else can you explain it??
Last night Vixen wants me to send him a pic of her looking hot in her dress. She has the fancy iPhone which can not send picture messages (except to email addresses). So I have to send the picture to him from my phone. He said he had a friend and that we could all double date sometime so he told Vixen for me to send a picture of me as well. I sent the first picture of me along with the picture of Vixen. To her pic he replies: Sexy - and to mine: Nice legs. All is fine and dandy. Later in the night he sends us each a text saying "Be Careful." Ok that's nice.
I went into work this morning (I took off yesterday for a horse show) and I get a text from Vixen's potential Bo. I'm at work at this point and figure he texted her and she is still asleep and didn't reply so he texted me.
Guy: "Have fun?"
Me: "Yeah we had a fun night."
Closed ended response. Or so I thought. But no he sends a few other innocent texts asking about our night, what we doing today, etc. I reply leaving all response closed ended. Then I get this, "What are you wearing?"
I'm caught a little off guard. Ok shocked would be a better word!! So me being the avoider that I am just don't reply. I'm to busy anyway to really think about this or put it into a context of how to tell Vixen he is now a confirmed creep.
Out of sight out of mind.
An hour later I get another text.
Guy: "Sounds good!!"
Me: "What sounds good?"
Guy: "Your legs wrapped around me!"
Me: "Haha yeah right you must be dreaming."
Did this douche bag really just text me that?? So I also send, "You realize Vixen (you know that girl you been trying to hook up with) is my best friend right?"
His reply, "Yeah"
Yeah. Yeah!! That is all you can say?! I mean really how stupid can this guy be? I mean is this a test of my loyalty to Vixen or something? Does he think I will not tell her?
I have an inner debate of how to handle the situation. I don't want Vixen to be let down nor though do I want her to fall for this guy. Sigh. I call her and try to gently tell her that she needs to wash her hands of him. She says he has been texting her today as well.
She calls him out on his comments to me. He tries to say he was just messing around with me. Right.... I'm sure that was it. You know I do that to people I don't know all the time.
It is guys like this that make us girls not trust guys at all. Period.
Nailing Jell-o to a tree for instance.
Friday, April 17, 2009
This guy (who we will call Music Guy) had been asking me out for a few weeks but lets face it I've been pretty busy. Weekends are usually booked for me: working at Sports Bar, Barrel Races, etc. So I finally told him a weeknight would be better.
Tuesday night we headed to see a movie. We arrive at the theater to find the next movie (besides Hannah Montana) doesn't start till 9:15. It is now 7:50..................... We have time to kill. So we went bowling. Something I have not done in awhile. It was different, fun, and well not even slightly embarrassing that I sucked. lol
After a few games (of which I lost every time) we returned to theater and took our seats to see Haunting in Connecticut. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not much for scary movies. I like suspense but not blood and guts. I have never even seen the preview for this movie so I am a little nervous about what I may be getting myself into.
At 9:15 on a Tuesday night we are the only two that occupy the large theater. So we talk until the movie starts. I know him somewhat but not that well but despite that the conversation flowed easily. The movie began and was pretty good. But at one point you know something is about to happen, you can sense it. Then WHAM!!! Oh yes I jumped. And not little jump... Jump in like knees up to my chest, hands over face, gasp, launch into the air, butt no longer touching seat jump. Afterward we both laugh - him telling me he thought I was going to jump into the row behind us.
Overall it was a good first date. Yet on my way home I couldn't help but cry. I will blame it on PMS emotions. The only thing I could think was he wasn't X. Which is a good thing but still strange. This is the first movie date I have been on with someone other than X. Its new territory. An unfamiliar one. Like I said he was nice and things went great. There was just no spark. Sigh. Oh well :)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
This couldn't be real. It felt to much like a scene out of a scary movie. Yet here it was happening to me. I tapped my brakes as I entered the curve then half way thru switched back to the gas. I fumbled for my Blackberry that was in the cup holder beside me; bad part about living in the mountains ~ no cell service. Don Juan was the closet person I could go to for help. I sent a quick text along with a prayer it would go thru. After sending though I realized I didn't want to drag Don Juan into this by letting the guy behind me think I as going there.
Then I knew what I had to do. I prepared myself as I came to the curve, letting off the gas yet not hitting the brake. Right around this curve was a road to my left. In a split second I swerved left, hitting the brake and going wide. The front right tire of the 4Runner went slightly off the road as I punched the gas again leaping back out onto the main road again to complete my 180.
I glanced back. My quick thinking had caught him off guard. I kept on eye on the road in front of me the other on my side mirror as I saw him hit the breaks and hurry to turn around. As I started back into my saving curve I saw the bright reverse lights shine thru the dark night as he hurried to get turned around. I kept my foot on the pedal, going as fast as I dared to go.
Breath: in, out, in, out.. I attempted to calm my racing heart and the adrenaline that coursed thru my veins. Only a few miles to cell service.
The lights were now coming once again in to my rear-view mirror. Distant at first but gaining ground quickly.
I was almost there. As the lights swerved in my rear-view I knew I must not let him pass me. I knew from the stories that if he did he would cut me off by pulling sideways in the road. Leaving me no choice but to turn around or get out of the car. Neither a choice I was planning on having to make.
- The average duration of stalking is 1.8 years
- 28% of female victims obtained a protective order. 69% of female victims had the protection order violated.
- 56% of women stalked took some type of self-protective measure, often as drastic as relocating.
- 2/3 of stalkers pursue their victims at least once per week, many daily
- Weapons are used to harm or threaten victims in 1 out of 5 cases.
- 76% of intimate partner femicide (femicide meaning the murder of a woman) victims had been stalked by their intimate partner.
- 54% of femicide victims reported stalking to police before they were killed by their stalkers.
Statistics taken from:
Pretty scary facts. I empathize with anyone that has been in that type of situation. I see know how easy it is to become a victim. And what does reporting it to the police really do? Put it down on paper that you were stalked? What if he had run me off the road? What if he had hit another car while swerving over?
Tonight I will say a prayer that I am never in this situation again and that GirlFriends Sis will also remain safe away from this guy. I will also add a big thanks to my guardian angel for flying quickly tonight.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Friday I ended up not having to work at Sports Bar so I was excited to be able to go out to a concert with Vivi and Vixen. But alas what kind of trip would it be with out a little adventure. Storm clouds swirled, tornado watches were announced and hail was coming down. And us? Well we were waiting for the storm to pass. We had already paid for the tickets - we were going! Once it seemed the hail had passed we loaded into the 4runner and were on the way..... But we didn't make it far. We had no more than pulled out of Vixen's driveway when we spot a tree in the road.
This is the part where any normal person would have said to hell with it and went back home.
Not us. Oh no.
We get out of the car, in the rain, and attempt (attempt) to move the tree. Well Vivi and I attempt to move the tree. Vixen sees this as a photo op. Seeing as this tree is much, much bigger than the one from a few months past our efforts are in vain. So I go to the top of the tree that is broken off and Vivi and I pull it out of the way. Just enough so the 4Runner can squeeze by. That is squeeze by if I put it in 4-wheel-drive and go in the ditch...... Which I do.
We make it a few more miles and another tree lays across the road. There is no way we can move the monster tree, so I throw it in reverse and we head for another alternate route. 3 routes and 40 minutes later we finally make it to the 4-lane. It was easy sailing from there on out.
The concert was fun. The drive home long. But overall a fun night.
Saturday night Vixen and I went to a horse show. I won second in one of my events. But the others..... well lets just say my horse was having an off day. And that is putting it nice.
"I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriously, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends."
~ Penny Lane, Almost Famous ~
Friday, April 10, 2009
I knew Marine1 was coming home this weekend. The plan for Friday night had been simple:
I was working at SportsBar
He was going to come in and eat diner and wait for me to get off work.
We were going to go out.
But at 3:00 I was called and told that I didn't have to work (whoopee!!) So I had Vixen stop by a Ticketmaster location and get me a ticket for the concert her and Vivi were going to tonight. I didn't contact Marine1 because I hadn't heard from him in a week and plans change. Our plans weren't even definite. And one of the new rules is, I will not sit around and wait on a guy; regardless if he is friend or a potential love interest ~ maybe I shall rephrase that completely ~ I will not sit around and wait on anybody. If there is something I want to do I am going to go do it.
So as we were on the way to the concert (interesting ride will give more info later) I get a message.
Marine1: What r u doing tonight?
Me: Going ____ to see _____. You?
Marine1: Not sure who all is going?
Me: Me, Vivi, Vixen
Marine1: Cool sounds fun
Me: Should be :) ride down if you don't find anything to do
Marine1: k I might
I kinda feel guilty at this point for not inviting him more in advance. But I don't know I feel in the grey area if this would have been before the hook up I probably would have - now though I guess I don't really want to contact him that much because I don't want him to think I like him as more than a friend. So then later I am having fun shaking my butt on the dance floor when I feel my phone vibrate from in my purse.
Marine1: Whats up
Me: Plenty. Whats up with you?
Marine1: Not much. Where you at
Me: Same place was earlier. Where you at?
Marine1: In town
Me: Miss us don't ya? lol boring without us?
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
"It's not raining lets go do something today!" Vixen said gleefully.
I have spent the past week teaching Vixen how to ride. So today we saddled up and I took her on her first trail ride. It was such a pretty day and she did great. After the ride we decided to head to the movies to see Fast and Furious. Paul Walker has been my #1 celebrity crush since.... well.... forever!
So this past week as Vixen and I sat drinking beer and playing rock band we had a realization. This time last year we would have been drinking mixed drinks watching our guys drink beer and play rock band. Now we are minus the guys and the mixed drinks. And our conversations are even slightly different.
Today we are sitting in the theater waiting for the movie to start and Vixen nudges me, "Look around." I glance around not quite sure what I'm supposed to see. "We are the only girls here that aren't with guys," she points out.
I look around the nearly packed theater. Yeah there are less than 10 girls in the large theater and yeah we are the only two not with boyfriends.....
"Oh my god we are turning into guys."
As the movie rolls and I realize I know a few to many trivial facts about the cars in the movie I start to fear she may be right. But really a movie with hots guys and fast cars?? Does it really get better than that?! I liked Twilight but yeah I'd take Paul Walker and his fast import or Vin Diesel and his Chevelle any day over Edward and his Volvo :)
Friday, April 3, 2009
Yesterday as I sat at my desk at work watching the rain poor down I really wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up with Hyper. But after a second call from Vixen inviting me to come eat diner and stay the night, I had a tugging feeling I should go. That sixth sense that knows when something just isn't quite right even though you can't put your finger on it.
It was nearly midnight as we sat in front of the TV battling each other at American Idol PS2 (which we rock at). Mid song she blurts out something unexpected. I stop and look at her. She is looking back at me. We are silent the music on the TV continuing on without us. I fumble for the play station remote and hit pause. I get up from the loveseat and go to sit on the opposite side of the couch from her.
"You can't tell anybody." She whispers holding out her pinky, the gesture reminding me of days long ago when we were young, life was simple and our promises naive and childlike.
I hold out my pinky, we connect and shake, "Promise."
"I haven't told you cause I don't want you to tell my mom and dad." (her parents are like second parents to me, seeing them weekly).
"I won't tell," I promise not knowing if that is the right decision but also knowing it is not my secret to tell.
"I went for a check up....... the surgery apparently didn't get it all." She keeps eye contact with me and I can see the fear in her eyes, "I have stage 1 cancer."
I sit there shocked. In November we were told it was no big deal. Just pre-cancerous cells. Nothing a little laser couldn't take care of. In a split second I go into calming mode. "Stage 1 that's not to bad that means its just started; that they have caught it in time."
I can see the change in her eyes as the weight of her secret is removed from her shoulders, "Yeah hopefully this surgery will take care of it."
We sit up till nearly 2 a.m. talking about it and everything else in life that seems to be easier said after midnight.
They say its common. Cervix cancer. But still it scares me nonetheless. After losing my dad to cancer I guess it just brings back all those old feelings of helplessness, etc.
I mean I'll be honest I can't make it without her. She is the sister that I never had. That best friend that lets you make your own mistakes but walks silently by your side ready to reach out and grab if you get to close to the edge. I am so blessed to have not 1 but 5 best friends. Each bring something special to my life. But Vixen is the ying to my yang I guess. The one that has always been there over the years regardless of anything.
Today Google research has eased my mind somewhat. Helping me understand more of what it is really all about. But still I won't lie I'm scared. She will never know it. As long as I have the brave face on so will she. But the what if's linger in the back of my mind. What if they don't get it all this time either? Than what?