Sunday, April 26, 2009

Just What I Need On A Night Like This

I arrived at Giggles house loaded down with all the necessities: camera, rum, and chocolate. I mean really what more do you need. I hugged the few friends that had already arrived and mixed a drink and joined them on the back porch. It was a beautiful day! Us girls sat and caught up as the guys headed for the backyard to start a game of horseshoes. In a short time others started to arrive and before long the back yard was filled with laughter and chattering voices. There were about 20 or so people, some of which I have not seen in months.

Everything about the night was great ~ the kabobs, the smores, the conversations, and the gazillion pics we took. The night was beautiful and as I sat around the bonfire I leaned back in my chair to look up at the stars thankful for the night in itself.

Shortly after midnight I climbed the stairs and changed into PJ's and collapsed on the air mattress. The previous days and lack of sleep catching up with me. My phone goes off. Part of me wants to ignore it but the curiosity gets to me and I roll over to retrieve my phone. Marine1.

He has called me once already and sent numerous messages throughout the night. He is based about 7 hours from here so he decided to come home for the weekend. On his ride home Friday he had inquired about hanging out that night but I was working at Sports Bar and had to decline. Yesterday he asked about my plans and I had told him of the Engagement party/cookout. He acted interested but it was not my place to invite him. Besides he had other plans.

I reply and place the phone back down and then fall into a peaceful sleep. Several hours later my phone starts ringing. I quickly grab it press the button and go into the hall so not to wake up Vivi, Vixen and Girlfriend.

"Hello," I whisper still half asleep.
"Hey," comes the deep familiar voice of Marine1, "Where are you at?"
"Giggles and BF's."
"What are you doing?"
"I was sleeping," I stress.
"Oh sorry...... what time is it?"
I take the phone away from ear and glance at the display, "3:30." I reply frustrated.
"Oh...... I'm sorry didn't mean to wake you up. Didn't realize it was that late."
"What's up?" Usually I'm a little nicer but its 3:30 a.m. get to the point.
"Nothing. Just wondering what you were doing."
I sigh, "Ok well I'll call you in the morning."
"Ok. Good Night."

I hang up and head back to the comfort of the air mattress. In route my phone vibrates in my hand. I open the message.

Marine1: Let's go to your house and passout

You have got to be kidding me. I go out in the hall again and call him back. I now learn he wound up going with some people to a house party and now he is stranded there. He doesn't have his car and he is beyond ready to go. I tell him to go to sleep and I'll come get him in the morning. He then tells me there is nowhere for him to sleep and he proceeds to beg.

I've been there before. Being somewhere you didn't want to be and wanting to leave and being unable to. Anyone else who has been in this position can relate to how much it sucks. Sigh. "I'll be there in 3o minutes....... and by the way you so owe me big time!"

All my friends said I was stupid for going but if it would have been one of them I would have done the same.

I head outside in my pj's my stuff in hand. I climb in the 4runner and head to town. I have never been to this place before but it is 20 seconds if that from town and was easy to find. As I turn on the road I call Marine1 and tell him to be outside waiting that I'm not getting out of the car. I pull in the driveway and what should be the first car I see? Big's Jeep.... apparently things in couple-land are not going so good. I feel a moment of sympathy for him but it is quickly gone along with any other thoughts of him as Marine1 climbs in the car.

"Thank you." He says with a grin before I can say anything.
"Yeah, Yeah." I grumble and head toward home.

We arrive shortly and I enter the house and fall into bed as he heads towards the kitchen for a glass of water. Oh yes the bed beats the air mattress any day!

A moment later as I lie in the darkness I feel the bed shift as the weight of Marine1 climbs in. He scoots close and puts his arm around me. This is the main part I miss about being in a relationship, sleeping with someone (and I do mean just sleeping). I like being held while I sleep. Feeling someone beside you. As I snuggle up next to him I drift off.

This morning I awoke to the sun streaming thru the windows announcing the arrival of another beautiful day. I roll over buring my face in the pillow not yet ready to start the new day. I can't fall back asleep. I feel Marine1 from behind me start to stir as well. "Good morning," He mumbles buring his face in my hair.

"I'm not ready to get up," I admit.
"Then lets not."

I laugh at the simple reply as I reach for the remote and flip on the TV. We lay there in silence just enjoying the companionship as we watch I Am Legend. My phone starts ringing Vixen's tone and I sit up and reach over to answer it.

"Good morning."
"So have sex last night?"
My back is still to Marine1 but I know my cheeks are flaming, "No," I laugh.
"Yeah right. You had sex last night."
"No I really didn't." Not knowing how else to respond so that Marine1 doesn't know what I am talking about.

The conversation continues a moment longer then I tell her bye. As I hang up and go to set the phone down Marine1 is laughing. "So we had sex last night?"

I laugh to realizing he heard the entire conversation, "Apparently."

He shakes his head and reaches up for me pulling me back down beside him. We watched a little more of the movie and then got up to start the day. I had things to do and he needed to get home and get ready to head back to base.

I dropped him off at his car and like always he says he will call and tells me when he next plans on coming home again. As he goes to get out of the car he pauses and thanks me again for coming to get him.

"That's what friends are for." I reply with a half-smile.

As I drive I think about the situation. I'm not ready for a relationship. I have stated that over, over, and over again. I mean I spent over 7 years trying to make someone else happy. It's my turn. And the thing about going on dates is the internal fear of the feeling that it might actually start "going somewhere". Yeah that scares the crap out of me. But lets face it there are somethings I do miss about being in a relationship; ie cuddling. The great thing about Marine1 is we hang out, we laugh, we have fun, we kiss occasionally, we cuddle, and then he goes back to base. If he calls great. If he doesn't that's ok to. The fact is he is not around all the time and there is no pressure. Even though neither of us says it we both know it will go nowhere. We live in the moment. Not thinking about the last nor even considering the fact there may be another in the future. No pressure. He can date, I can date. No ties. I've never experienced anything like this. Being so emotionally unattached to a situation. I think the helpless romantic in me may have finally given up or at least taken a much needed vacation.

My friends may not understand it. But right now I think it's just what I need.

Aleksandr, "Is this really how one finds love?"

Carrie, "No, it's just what we do to distract ourselves until the real thing comes along."

~ Sex And The City ~

1 comment:

Date Girl said...

Ohhh this is dangerous ground. You say you're not attached now...but just tread lightly. That's how it started with Birthday Twin, and before you know it I was hooked on the cuddling. Not so much that I wanted a relationship, I just wanted him to be there. I also started doing things for him, even when it was inconvenient (ie picking him up at 330am!!)
I hope you don't give up on love. It's ok to put it on the backburner for awhile, but don't give up on it completely. There will be someone out there who won't break your heart, and you'll be happy you're still that hopeless romantic when you meet him.