Author Sandra Tsing Loh is ending her marriage. Is it time you did, too?
The issue has me torn. If you could rewind about two years I would stand here and adamantly disagree saying that marriage can be 'to death to us part' and a slide show would display my parents along with the parents of my five closest friends - all proof that marriage can work.
But now? Now I stand before you as a statistic. A statistic that shows marriage doesn't always work. Everyone who has read me before knows I am divorced. Which I am shamed to say. I never thought I would say that. I didn't think nor did I want to be a statistic. But shit happens. Sounds harsh but true. I tried. Some days I question myself and ask "Did I try hard enough?" some days I can only remember the good as if the bad never happened. But the reality kicks in and I know I tried and I know that the bad was real.
Do I wish I would have never got divorced? Yes. But if I had not would I have been staying married for the right reasons? Probably not. I may never know. Marriage is hard work and I hate to say it but love sometimes is not enough. I loved X very much and still love him and probably will until the day I die. I may never experience that form of love again. Yet love could not solve our problems.
Ok enough about me. I get sidetracked easily. Back to the article. She says that because the life span is longer now that marriage is just not as feasible (nor necessary) as it was in the past. And instead of putting the spark back in your marriage its easier to go out and find a new spark. ~ You know what she is probably right, It IS easier to go out and find a new spark. But that is the easy way out, is it not? So no, I do not agree with her. Yes, marriage takes work. But what in life doesn't?
I understand that women today are more independent therefore do not rely on the man as a provider as they once did - and I am sure this has an impact on the matter of divorce. Women are much more capable of making it on their own. However when you delve into the heart of it I think all women want to believe in marriage. Yet in today's society it is perhaps not as feasible as it once was.
Just like I want to believe that a life long marriage is possible. I want to believe in falling in love and having the family and the happily ever after. But speaking still from the position of the woman scorned I just don't know that lays in my cards.
"Leaning forward heavily across the bar, she swirls her glass and huskily drops the bomb: “I have to tell you — since we talked, I too have started thinking divorce.” “No!” we girls exclaim. With a stab of nausea, I suddenly feel as though now that I’ve touched my pool of friends with my black pen, a cloud of ink is enveloping them."