Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Marriage A Thing Of The Past?

So today I scroll thru the list of updated Blogs and head over to Date Girl Diaries, which lead me to:
I really don't have time to read the article yet I find my eyes drifting down the page so that I can relate it to Date Girl's post and hopefully compose a well formed comment. The author is ending her marriage. Yet she goes on to list statistics of why marriage is perhaps no longer a "forever" thing.

The issue has me torn. If you could rewind about two years I would stand here and adamantly disagree saying that marriage can be 'to death to us part' and a slide show would display my parents along with the parents of my five closest friends - all proof that marriage can work.

But now? Now I stand before you as a statistic. A statistic that shows marriage doesn't always work. Everyone who has read me before knows I am divorced. Which I am shamed to say. I never thought I would say that. I didn't think nor did I want to be a statistic. But shit happens. Sounds harsh but true. I tried. Some days I question myself and ask "Did I try hard enough?" some days I can only remember the good as if the bad never happened. But the reality kicks in and I know I tried and I know that the bad was real.

Do I wish I would have never got divorced? Yes. But if I had not would I have been staying married for the right reasons? Probably not. I may never know. Marriage is hard work and I hate to say it but love sometimes is not enough. I loved X very much and still love him and probably will until the day I die. I may never experience that form of love again. Yet love could not solve our problems.

Ok enough about me. I get sidetracked easily. Back to the article. She says that because the life span is longer now that marriage is just not as feasible (nor necessary) as it was in the past. And instead of putting the spark back in your marriage its easier to go out and find a new spark. ~ You know what she is probably right, It IS easier to go out and find a new spark. But that is the easy way out, is it not? So no, I do not agree with her. Yes, marriage takes work. But what in life doesn't?

I understand that women today are more independent therefore do not rely on the man as a provider as they once did - and I am sure this has an impact on the matter of divorce. Women are much more capable of making it on their own. However when you delve into the heart of it I think all women want to believe in marriage. Yet in today's society it is perhaps not as feasible as it once was.

Just like I want to believe that a life long marriage is possible. I want to believe in falling in love and having the family and the happily ever after. But speaking still from the position of the woman scorned I just don't know that lays in my cards.

"Leaning forward heavily across the bar, she swirls her glass and huskily drops the bomb: “I have to tell you — since we talked, I too have started thinking divorce.” “No!” we girls exclaim. With a stab of nausea, I suddenly feel as though now that I’ve touched my pool of friends with my black pen, a cloud of ink is enveloping them."
~ Sandra Tsing Loh ~

Friday, June 26, 2009

On Safari Anticipating A Flood

Thursday night I met Vixen at the theater to watch the anxiously awaited action sequel, Transformers (Which was great by the way). As we take our seats and wait for the movie to start Vixen tells me that Edward has invited us to come out after the movie and meet up with him and some of his friends.

I have to work the next day so I decline the tempting invitation but encourage Vixen to go. We both came straight from work. She has on a white t-shirt, jean shorts, and flip flops. I am dressed in what I consider one of my few "cute" chick outfits (cause lets face it I am far from a fashion goddess) jeans, black heals, black tank top with a cropped sleeve black and gray jacket over top.

Vixen, "I don't want to go meet his friends dressed like this."

Me, "You don't look bad....."

She gives me the 'yeah right look'. "Trade clothes with me."

This is how I found myself after the movie in the theater bathroom handicap stall with Vixen literally giving her the clothes off my back. 10 minutes later I emerged in a white v-neck shirt (which might I add Vixen's has a larger bosom than myself so it was much more low cut on me than it had been on her ~ Also to top it off I had on a leopard print bra. Yes I did say leopard print.) And I had on my long jeans given that I had been wearing heals so when exchanging for the flip flops I had to roll up my pants legs so as to not trip and fall. Yes, ladies and gentleman I exited the women's restroom with my head held high trying to ignore the fact that I looked like a lost hooker on safari anticipating a flood.

Now that is what I call true friendship.

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
~ C.S. Lewis ~

Thursday, June 25, 2009

A Fallen Hero

Four years has gone by since the death of a friend in Iraq. Wow it doesn't seem like that long. But in away it seems so much longer. Today would have been his 28th birthday.

I remember his last trip home. He was all smiles. He told us about the children in Iraq he had come to know and that he liked handing out toys. He was so positive and upbeat.

"Hard times don't create heroes. It is during the hard times when the 'hero' within us is revealed."
~ Bob Riley ~

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

True Blood

Friday night after diner and drinks with Giggles I headed to Vixen's. One of the V-Card carrying members was coming up for the weekend but he was not expected to arrive till later so Vixen had rented the first disc of True Blood for us to watch. I have read several books in the series but had yet to see the HBO version. Lately I have been hearing how good it is so Vixen and I decided to give it a whirl.

When I arrived at the house, Vixen's diner in hand, she greets me at the door with a fake smile in place. I know something is up, a surprise of some sort that she is not happy about. V-Card has arrived earlier than expected. Oh well. I'm not a third wheel this is my soon to be future residence to. I greet him and take a seat on the love seat. Maybe a better word would be sprawl. The air conditioner has decided to go on strike so all the widows are open and the fans whirling at full blast, still not much of a match for the humid southern heat.

Vixen dives into her Philly cheese steak, I sip my sweet tea, and V-Card presses play. I had been warned there were some.... interesting scenes in the show, I mean this was an HBO series after all. As the show proceeded Vixen and I bit our tongues not saying what we were both thinking.

Fastforward to Tuesday night. After work I feed horses, picked up diner and headed to Vixen's for True Blood disc 2. Half way thru the 3rd episode I had to hit pause.

"Ok Friday night there were so many comments I wanted to make but couldn't in front of V-Card," I said.

"I know me to!!" Vixen exclaims, "All I could think was how long its been."

We laugh, "Well I was wondering if he was thinking 'do people really do it like that?'"

She laughs harder, "I know I couldn't even look at him! There is no telling what he was thinking!"

I mean if you've seen the show you know where we are coming from.

"Don't say UH-OH! Vampires do NOT say UH-OH!"
~ Sookie, True Blood ~

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day

This was my second Father's day without my Dad. Everyday I think of him and miss him but there are 5 days a year that seem to be harder than others: His Birthday, the day he passed away, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Father's Day.

I knew Father's day was coming ( I mean between Hallmark, Shutterfly, and other random emails delivered daily who could forget?) but I had been pushing it to the back of my mind. I'm very much an out of sight out of mind type person.

So of course Giggles, Babbles and Vixen called and checked on me in the round about "I'm not going to ask you cause I don't want to make you cry but just want to make sure your okay" way. X even checked in on me. And it dawned on me. Maybe I don't miss him as a significant other but more as a friend. We experienced so much of life together, things that others will never understand. The passing of my Dad being one of those.

I miss my Dad. Sometimes I wonder if my life would have turned out differently if he were still here.

"A "daddys little girl" is the one who would rather get her hands covered in engine oil with dad, than stay in the house and bake buns with her mother!"

~ Author Unknown ~

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The V Card

If Vixen was in the know about my blog I would have her write this story for your enjoyment, but since she is not I will tell the story in the way it was told to me and will be writing it from her point of view..... and perhaps adding a bit of my own flair ~ enjoy.

First a little background ~~~ Vixen is one of those gorgeous girls that can have any guy she wants. I have been single now a little over a year and have only went on dates with 1 maybe 2 guys (?) while Vixen who has been single since December has went out with countless potential suitors - all seemingly wanting to have a relationship with her. Which they do not realize is the final nail in their coffin. Vixen is not looking for a relationship. If you think I have commitment issues.... well Vixen is right up there with me if not worse. She can be the ultimate bitch (I mean that in the nicest way) when it comes to guys. Each guy has a shelf life. Few dates. Tops. Then its adios. And the thing is she warns them off the bat. "I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP!" She is very clear about this. Yet they don't listen. Can't say she didn't warn them......


So I don't believe in happily ever after, I mean that apparently only happens in movies. In the meantime instead of continuing on the never ending search for Mr. Right I have decided to have fun with Mr. Right-Now (a revolving guy who can and does tend to change weekly). But imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon a different breed of guy. One I thought was long extinct. A guy that still holds his V Card clean and intact..... Mr. Virgin. Yes, you heard me right.

Now I guess I can't really talk I mean its been so long for me that I think my virginity is starting to grow back..... but my six month dry spell (which is self-chosen) does not compare to 27 years!

This is new territory for me. I mean this is a good looking, nice, successful and dare I say passionate kissing guy. Not someone I would picture to still be a V Card carrying member. Naturally I assume its just a line. But the more in depth our conversation goes I am stunned to realize he is telling the truth. He is waiting for marriage. Which is great don't get me wrong. But you gotta test drive the car before you buy it. Right? I mean what if you get married and the coloring is awful? A point that I do bring up, to which he says that he will have nothing to compare it to. Ok valid point but what about the woman what if its not good for her? I feel like a completely shallow idiot when he replies by saying that the woman will marry him because they love him and that coloring will not be that important.....

What planet is this foreign creature from?

Perhaps it is that fascination that has lead me to extend his shelf life.... in a completely friends only manner, of course. Because to state again: I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP!

So went out this past weekend and met Edward. Yes, Yes.... he was young. BUT HELLO this is Edward we're talking about here! Ok well the closest I will ever get to an Edward. Hey don't judge.

He calls and wants to hang out and I agree. I mean hell what do I have to lose? And really if my ex who is 32 can date a girl 11 years his junior why can I not date a guy 4 years younger than myself? See my point?! Besides this is Edward.

Fast-forward he comes up, we hang out....... and this morning at 7 am sharp I have to call E weather she is up or not to tell her he to is a V Card carrying member! Really?! Seriously?! Is this God's way of telling me to let the dry spell continue? Cause I am so not taking someones V Card. That is like purchasing a one way ticket straight to hell or something.

"The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor."
~ Carrie, SATC ~

Monday, June 15, 2009

Are we..... Cougars?

Cougar: An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.

The definition of a cougar can vary as you can tell by the blurb above. However one thing remained consistent in all variations of the definition I located ~ that a woman must be over 35 to be considered a Cougar. Shew! That is a semi relief and guess that just makes me and Vixen "Cougar's-in-Training". I don't know weather to feel sad or relieved......

Friday night Alice, Vixen and I got ready to head south to a concert being held at a club that I had obtained free tickets to. Dolled up to impress I actually had on makeup, which is rare and usually only tends to happen when we go out.

On the way down we were all discussing how that in reality we would be just as happy to be at home sitting on the couch watching a movie. We joke about how we are getting old and that if we hadn't got these tickets free we wouldn't be going.

Little did we know at the time what was in store for us.

We arrive and the place is packed!! We grab drinks and make a quick pass of the place before finding a spot on the dance floor in front of the stage. As we stand there I scan the crowd around us and I spot a guy looking at our small group. He is cute, but looks young. I figure he is probably checking out Vixen so my eyes keep roaming. Vixen is one of those tan girls that always looks naturally beautiful and can pretty much get any guy she wants. Yeah in that aspect she is a total bitch. Eh but I love her anyway.

The opening band is on and the three of us dance and sing along. A guy approaches Vixen and Alice and I laugh as he tries to draw her into conversation. Ok and I oogle a little bit cause this guy so resembles Edward its not even funny! As Vixen stares into his eyes its as if I am witnessing her Twilight fantasy take shape and come to life. After a few moments he disappears and Vixen once again starts dancing with Alice and myself.

The song comes to an end and as I clap my hands I feel a hand placed on the small of my back. I turn slightly and my head tilts back as I look up into the face of the cute young guy I had spotted earlier. He asks my name and tells me his. The conversation continues for a moment in which I learn he is 21....... 21!!!! His two friends have approached by this time and are talking to Vixen and Alice. He asks what I'm drinking [Vodka & Red Bull] then he pulls a nice guy [or perhaps player] move and asks Vixen and Alice what they are drinking.

Once he is gone Vixen and I laugh that we are getting older but the guys that hit on us are staying the same age seeing as the Edward-look-alike was also a mere 21. My guy returns with each of us a drink and we all thank him. I'm still new to the guys buying you drinks scene.... So I'm pleased that apparently I'm bringing braces back, as Vixen put it.

The band takes the stage and the show starts. For the next couple hours Guy stays by my side. Edward has returned to Vixen and Alice the newlywed takes turns dancing with me and Vixen. (We were happy Groomy let her come with us to the concert).

The night draws to a end. I'm slightly stumbling at this point. I am not near as cute as when I arrived and I lack the rhythm (or any rhythm for that matter) that I had once had. The Guy asks for my number and I hesitate. At five years my junior I know he is way to young. But what the hell. The vodka redbull combination leads me to believe it may not really be that bad of an idea. So I give him my real number.

The car ride home we laugh about the night and all say how surprised we are and that we didn't expect it to be such a fun and interesting night.

Alice drops us off at Vixen's house and Vixen and I climb in her big bed and pass out.

We awoke way, way to early! As if our punishment for being out late the dogs decide at the ass crack of dawn that it is appropriate to start running around and barking at anything and everything.

Vixen starts giggling, "I so kissed Edward last night."

"What?" I laugh and then pause memories of the night coming back. I slap my hand over my face. "I think I kissed my Guy to...."

"Oh you did. I saw you." She laughs even harder, "So not us!!!"

"I've never kissed a random stranger before!" Much less a random guy I met at a club!

"When did we become cougars??!!! I mean they were 21!"

I bury my face in the pillow. "We can look at this one of two ways," I explain, "One we obviously still got it cause they approached us, we didn't approach them. Or two we are complete, pathetic, loser cradle robbers."

"I think I like the first one best."

Carrie, "So, then what's really going on here? Do younger men feel safer?"
Miranda, "What's really going on here is sex. Good old-fashioned, eager to please, do what I tell you to, Eagle Scout sex".
Carrie, "But, I'm not having sex. It's a kissing thing."
Miranda, "So, what's the big deal? It's just a fling. It's not like we're throwing out our schedules or anything."
~ Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys, SATC ~

Friday, June 12, 2009

TAG..... I'm It

I've been tagged! I've received the Honest Scrap Award

[ Yea! My First Blog Award ] It was bestowed so kindly upon me by Date Girl (check her out she is great!). I am using the word Kindly loosely here in that since she was going down she felt the need to drag me down with her. Just kidding. But I will not go down alone either {see tags below}!!

I now have to tell you 10 things about me.... Which lets face it you know a good bit about me already...... Hmmmm where to start......

  1. I wear cowboy boots and carry a Coach purse (at the same time). I get dirty but yet like to dress up every once in awhile to. Besides who says Ariets and Coach can't go together? Some fashionista is rolling over in the grave right about now...

  2. I'm not really in to labels and if not for Vivi and Vixen I probably wouldn't even know what Coach was. But Vixen tries to keep me up to date! Pretty much any designer label I have has been a gift [or recommended purchase ] from Vixen. Purse pictured prime example.

  3. I am a closet Hills fan. Its one of those pointless shows that I don't really know why I watch it yet every Monday I tune in to watch the drama unfold. Gotta love LC though, I have to say she always handles the situations with class.
  4. Chick-Fil-A is my favorite fast food restaurant. Period end of story.
  5. Lately I fill like my life is going backward rather than forward. I just got to figure how to get it back on the right track. If I were in a stable relationship and financially ok I would be ready to have kids. I guess that is where I thought I would be at this point in my life instead of starting over.
  6. I have refused to join Twitter because I already fill that with Facebook, Myspace and my Blackberry I am connected enough. Why add to it? Yet I have started to weaken lately and kinda want to join just to see what all the craze is about.
  7. When I get really mad my chest and neck break out in red blotches. Sometimes I do this when I am really nervous to and I hate that this is something I can't control.
  8. I am manipulative. Sometimes I manipulate people without even realize I'm doing it.... I remember as a kid my Dad telling me I easily influenced people and their decisions and that I needed to be careful. He made it sound like I had this super power and that I needed to use it for good instead of evil. I remember thinking at the time that he was crazy. The older I get though I wish he were here for me to tell him that maybe he was right.
  9. I honestly have more fun going to horse shows than going out on the weekends. Is that sad?
  10. I hope to one day write a book. A mystery-chick-lit type book. I have started several but then I seem to lose interest or run out of time. It seems I always have A and C just missing the B part for all to add up [ A + B = C ]. But I have faith that one day I will get it right.

So now in passing the torch I would like to tag: Vivi, Phoebe, Ana from far away!, Unwritten, Nicole, and The Working Girls, and Karie.

AND PS...... I forgot a random thing! I love Jennifer Love Hewitt's music! Yeah bet you didn't even know she sang :) lol

Friday Fill In

Thanks to Unwritten I stumbled across the Friday Fill In and decided to give it a shot on this beautiful Friday! Since I'm stuck inside at work, which I am obviously taking a break from cause in reality I am such a hard worker! :)
[Answers are in Red]
1. I grew up thinking that my life would be completely different than it has turned out thus far.
2. Work related website was the last website I was at before coming here.
3. Why don't you make up your mind?
4. A bubble bath and good book OR riding Horse thru the woods helps me relax.
5. Thanks for the reality check.
6. Guys with bad attitudes are very off-putting.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to a concert I got free tickets to with Vixen and Alice, tomorrow my plans include working at the local horse show and Sunday, I want to go to the lake with Blondie for her birthday!
Weekends don't
count unless you spend them doing something compl
etely pointless.
~ Bill Watterson ~

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Learning The Hard Way

The title of this blog should have perhaps been: I Should Have Known Better ~ I mean I seem to be saying (or at least thinking) that alot here lately. That or What Was I Thinking ~ both appropriate choices.

Saturday was no exception. I loaded Horse on the trailer after the show and reached in the car for my phone as I was also grabbing the bag of chips to hand to Vixen. 3 new messages. Absentmindedly I press the button while handing Vixen the chips. We are in mid conversation but as I glance down at the phone my voice drifts off. X. All 3 are from X.

1. "Sorry to bother u, but I would like to talk to u sometime."
2. "I need to ask u something"

3. "Call me when you get a chance"

Vixen with a smile, "Want me to call him?"

"No," I reply, "Hope everything is ok...."

We tell each other goodbye and I get in the car to head home. The clock on the dash reads 1:15 a.m. the last message was received about 3o minutes ago. I scroll thru the phonebook stopping at his name and pressing the send button. After two rings his familiar voice greets me.

"Everything ok?" I ask.

"Yeah...." He then asks me about the horse show and the conversation is actually nice as he laughs over mine and Vixen's horse show night stories.

I remind myself this isn't a friendly call and try to get to the point of the the phone call. "I just got your messages...."

"I need to talk to you. Think we can meet tomorrow?"

DANGER, DANGER flashes thru my head. "Why?"

"I need to talk to you," his voice is soft and luring, "Will you meet me?"

"I don't know..... What do you need to talk about?"

"I'd rather talk in person."

"Are you gonna make me cry?" I ask point blank.
About to lose service I tell him I will call him back. As I drive over the mountain so many things are going thru my mind. Do I hear him out? Do I tell him to go to hell? What could he possibly want?

As I unload Horse I spend extra time brushing her off. In the late night I hear the other horses rustle around, their slumber disturbed. Its peaceful. I love being at the barn by myself in the late of night or early morning. Somehow it has a calming affect. Allows me time to think.

X said he would meet me at the barn. I declined that idea and told him I would meet him in town. Looking back perhaps I should have waited till the next day, but lets face it I'm just not that patient. It is now past 2 a.m. the night is calm and still. As I drive along the dark road my head is telling me to turn around. Not look back. Just go home.

My heart won't let me. It keeps me driving forward.

I arrive and get out of the car. We stand a moment in the cool night beside my car. I shiver. I climb back in the driver seat and he walks around to get in on the passenger side. I still have on my boots and dirt streaked jeans. I smell of horse, dirt and sweat; my hair is piled up in a ponytail, it to distorted from the long night. Yet I don't care. After a few minutes of small talk I ask what he wanted to talk about.

Open the flood gates. Out of his mouth comes all the words I had wanted to hear.

I love you ~

I miss you ~

I want to give us a second chance ~ √

I'm not happy without you ~

And the checklist could go on but you get the gist. At this point I am very leery as I sit trying to take it all in. This isn't the first time he has done this. I mean this is a every 3 months deal. I want so much to believe him. I wish things would have never gotten to this point.

But we live and we learn.

And believe it or not I have learned.
Well at least a little bit.
I ask him what makes me think that he won't change his mind like the times before. He assures me he won't.
Where did all this come from, I ask.
He tells me that he already felt this way but when he heard about the accident his heart stopped and that all he could think was "I wasn't there" and "What if it had been worse".

I tell him my doubts, my fears and my concerns. All of which he has seemed to have anticipated. I tell him we can go on a date and start talking again. I'm not rushing into anything with him or anyone else. If he wants us to have a second chance we will go slow and still there are no guarantees. I point out that I am a very different person than I was a year ago and he may discover that he doesn't love the 'new' me.
Why did I agree? My head knew better but fact is I still love him. I always have and probably always will. That's the sucky part about love; you can't always chose who you love.
The sun is rising as we say our goodbyes.
On my drive home I was still unsure. Unsure if it was a good idea. And truth be told, unsure if it would even happen. Not saying I can predict the future but sometimes you just got to listen to your gut. And my gut was screaming at this point.
I arrive home at 6:30 a.m. --- fifteen minutes shy of being awake 24 hours. Yet I don't feel tired. I fall asleep for a few short hours and the phone goes off. It's X saying he hasn't been able to sleep.
He calls. We talk. He back peddles. "I don't know what I want...." He tells me he doesn't know what he wants, he needs time. I tell him I have no time to give him. I've given him plenty of time in the past. "You called me." I point out saying his mind should have been made up before calling me in the first place.
I hang up and fight to hold back the tears. I knew better. I always do. This time though I am not as upset. I didn't let my guard down as much. And I expected this outcome.
This was Sunday.
It is now Thursday. I am not sad. More mad. Mad at myself for calling him back. Mad at myself for agreeing to meet him. Mad at myself for listening to the empty words. Mad at him for doing this to me yet again.
One day I will learn.
I hear every word they say
They tell me to stay away
They say I'm better off without you, baby
You've caused me nothing but pain
Heartaches your middle name
But seems I never see it coming
I'll just admit it baby
You really drive me crazy
Let go of my heart
cause every time you're near me
I can't think clearly
Defenses fall apart
I keep livin and lovin and learnin the hard way
You're the hardest lesson, baby, of my life
I keep livin and lovin and learnin the hard way
Someday baby, I will get it right
~ Faith Hill, The Hard Way ~

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

1 - +1 = 0 ?

"Why does one - minus a plus one - always feels like it adds up to zero?"

My math skills may leave something to be desired but I completely get the equation {1 - +1 = 0} I once heard the saying plus one is the loneliest number and perhaps that may be true. The past two weekends I have had weddings to attend. Weddings where the invitation reads: E and Guest and guest. Look to the left.... look to the right....... nope no Guest in sight. Just me.

I'm ok with it just being me but when you show up to a couples type event like a wedding you can't help but feel at odds when you are there alone. The only advantage of this rule is that more than likely there will also be dateless guys there to who will be just as relieved as you are to see that you are not the only one without a date. Or at least that was my experience at the first wedding. Even though I had WD ~ I mean lets face it he was trying to hook up with the other out of town bridesmaid much to all of our amusement ~ there were other guys there that were also dateless. Which ended up being fine because we danced all night. One guy in particular became my unspoken dance partner. As we twirled around the makeshift dance floor I remember feeling thankful. I love to dance, even though let's call a spade a spade, I'm probably to much of a klutz to dance. But hey after a few beers I no longer really care and my rhythem seems to improve... It was also nice to slow dance. And my dance partner was cute, but like most guys that hit on my lately was way to young to be considered an actual prospect.

The wedding this past weekend I attended with Blondie ~ Fortunately (or unfortunately) her boyfriend had to work. This wedding was paired off more in couples rarely a single person in sight. After the ceremony we didn't linger. I had a barrel race to attend after all.

So even though as a single girl I am happy with myself why do I feel that +1 equals 0? We should not let ourselves be defined by weather we have a significant other or not. Yet you can't help when you get that invitation your mind goes through the list of everyone you know hoping that maybe you can get someone (hell anyone) to go as your date. Why is it that weddings and office functions make us long to have a +1?

Friday, June 5, 2009

***Beep**Beep*** We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programing....

I am interrupting the normal scheduled blog post
to bring you this important announcement....

This is my 200th post.

I was planning on doing a post in this fashion on my 1 year blog-versary but when I saw that I was at 200 I felt there was no time like the present. I want to take a moment to reflect, look back at some of my favorite post (perhaps some of my favorite mistakes), some of my least favorite moments (when perhaps a do-over would have been best), and a little of everything in between. Buckle up and lets rewind.

1. Welcome ~~ It all started July 29, 2007 when I sat bored out of my mind at work and came up with the idea of starting a blog. At the time I thought it would serve as a time killer for myself and Vivi, little did I realize it would turn into a passion.

2. "Can You Get To A Future if Your Past is Present" ~~ Ah Mr. Big. To fully grasp this post you may have to read the post prior. This is not one of my favorite posts but think it is relevant in the Saga that is Big.

3. Two posts that I loathe but are pertinent to understanding my story: The X Factor and "Maybe the Past is Like an Anchor Holding us Back. Maybe, You Have To Let Go of Who You Were to Become Who You Will Be."

4. Trip To The Top Of The World ~~This was such a fun night. One of those summer nights that you wish you would never end and the thought of it makes me shake my head yet brings a smile to my face all at the same time.

5. Life: Shaken not Stirred ~~ Ok I really just like this title!

6. Gone Fishing ~~ My first date.... well, maybe, kinda.... either way it was a great day that will always make me think of Fire Guy with a smile.

7. I'm Always Your Last Call ~~ When I learn that guys are full of shit and words are a dime a dozen.

8. Just Say No ~~ Another fun night I will always look back at with a smile but that shows I never really learn.

9. Brave New Girl ~ Chapter 6: Flirting With Strangers ~~ With a new year I turn over a new leaf and actually get a little courage.

10. Just What I Need On A Night Like This ~~ Sometimes what you want is not what you really need. And sometimes what you need is not really what you want.

When I started this blog I thought "my life isn't that interesting I may have to embellish some...." little did I realize how many Mis(Adventures) I really do have. I mean really who could make this stuff up? And just think I do actually censor at times.

I have come to the conclusion that I tend to go for the guys I know that it will not work with; Marine1, GB, DMOF ~ to name a few. Sense the pattern? I know these guys are all wrong for me, yet I think that is why I am drawn to them. I'm not ready for a relationship and these guys are guys I know I would never have one with therefor no expectations and it works out perfectly. Never thought I would have that outlook. For right now though I'm just having fun and trying not to make to many mistakes along the way.

Thanks everyone for all the comments/feedback! Here's to the next 200 posts in hopes they will be just as much fun and hopefully at least semi-entertaining!

"I love you, but I love me more."
~ Samantha, SATC ~

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Wedding Weekend

Saturday morning text to Vixen,

"so I don't need to go anywhere without you anymore. I drank a bottle of rum last night. A bottle!!! Well 80% of one, and I made out with a groomsman! Wait it gets better. Not just any groomsman..... ____!! I don't need to drink anymore but in my defense it was not my fault! I was talking and he just leaned over and kissed me. I was just so excited that someone wanted to kiss me even though got the braces! "

After getting home late Thursday (from probably the best concert I have been to all year) the Friday morning alarm sounded a little to early. My headed pounded in protest as I rolled out of bed and headed in search of caffeine.

I grab a Dr Pepper and sit down closing my eyes willing the pounding to go away. My phone goes off. My eyes still closed I reach for it and half crack one eye to read the new message, "Can you meet us at 1 instead?"

Crap!! Like a cartoon character my eyes bug out as I realize I have just lost about an hour and half off of my already tight schedule. Feeling there is no other choice I type back 'yes' as I race for the shower.

It was Friday. Friday of Alice's wedding weekend. Out of town wedding weekend, I might add. Originally she had asked me to be a bridesmaid, but lets face it I really don't have the extra $200 to shell out for a dress I will wear once. Already having 7 bridesmaids she understood but asked if I would still come down for the whole weekend as if I were one. I had agreed.

But not really knowing the grooms family that well I hated to seem like a party crasher of the rehearsal and rehearsal diner. So a few weeks ago when one of the groomsman (and one of my guy friends) asked if I had a date for the wedding. I told him no. With a laugh he said he didn't either and suggested we be each others dates. I agreed. Problem solved. I now had my ticket to sit at the wedding party table, etc.

Originally I was going to ride down with one of the bridesmaids I didn't know and Punk-Rock-Chick. But then bridesmaid's boyfriend and sister decided to ride down with them leaving no room for me. Oh well. No problem. I call my WD (wedding date ~ and perhaps I should stress here we are just friends) to see if there is room for me ride down with him. He tells me sure it is him and three of the other groomsman but that there is plenty of room in the Tahoe for me. He then tells me to meet GM1 (I'll just start numbering them ~ there is 7 of them so its not like your going to keep them straight anyway) and ride south with him and the others who are meeting him at his work.

So in my post concert daze I hurriedly throw clothes into a suitcase. Did I pay attention to what I was packing? Not really. I figured as long as I had my two dresses (one for rehearsal, one for wedding), makeup, straightener, and hair dryer I would be ok and that the other clothes didn't really matter.

Now to complete my to do list before meeting the boys......

A few short hours later I pulled into Punk-Rock-Chick's apartment complex doing mach 90. I hand her my two dresses (she had offered to put them in her garment bag so they wouldn't get wrinkled), and dashed with my suitcase and bottle of rum to GM1's car. I toss the suitcase in the trunk and hop in the backseat.... Instead of just two GM's in the car there is a third guy whom I do not really know. The math going thru my head is there are 4 of us and we are picking up 2 more people...... hhhmmmm....

Oh well.

The end result being that it was me and three guys crammed in the backseat of the Tahoe. What happened to the third row seating you may ask? It was laid down cause the back was full of Golf clubs and suitcases. The result of the car ride being that I have decided next wedding I am I want to be a groomsman. Screw being a bridesmaid!!

So in reality there really wasn't enough room for me to ride with them. They were all very good sports though and welcomed me, not complaining once about how cramped we were in the back seat. The three hour ride was funny to say the least. It also gave me time to come up with the Date Report Card. WD on the way down was talking about an out town bridesmaid who he had seen pictures of and thought was cute. Of course I tell him that hitting on another girl while on a date with me will make him lose a Date Point. It was all in good fun and we all laugh as the guys agree to help me judge WD.

Now lets fastforward --> --> --> we beat Punk-Rock-Chick to lodge, she has my dress, they are running late, so have to wear capris and t-shit to rehearsal instead of cute dress. Sigh, oh well --> --> --> rehearsal = good --> --> --> rehearsal diner = great food, bartender messed up my drink so got it free (tipped her still cause was made stout and started out the night well) --> --> --> back to lodge.

At the lodge we all head out back by the lake where the reception is going to be. The docks and lawn are full of the Bride and Groom's family and friends (Bridesmaids, Groomsmans). Then one of the Groom's friends arrive with a keg.

I stick to my rum though and share with some of the brides cousins as every one lounges around enjoying the cool night air. But as the sun goes down the noise level rises. The next thing I know there are people doing Keg stands and I'm not just talking about the young people! I saw several uncles as well as the brides father do a keg stand. This weekend was starting to shape into a more fun one that I had anticipated.

Having been in a serious relationship since I was 18 I never really had that keg-stand-party-college-experience. But as I had people trying to talk me into doing a keg stand I had a feeling this is what college may have been like had I been single.

So yeah I ended up doing my first keg stand. But me being me I sat back nonchalantly watching other guys and girls go keeping up with the final count each girl had. I mean after all if I was going to do this I was going to be the best. Yes, everything is a competition.

Finally I let GB (grooms brother) drag me by the hand toward the keg. And yes I ended up being the girl champion while GB was the guy champ. Meanwhile WD is flirting up the out of town bridesmaid who is really fun and I had instantly hit it off with. So as WD spit his game we all sat back laughing and taking bets as if it would work or not. During this one of the guys walks up behind GB (who is in a chair directly across from me) and makes hand motions toward me and GB. I get the gist and smile and shake my head no. He shakes his head yes and walks off.

Bride's cousin brings me another drink and at this point I realize I have had way to much (as in over 75% of the bottle). The crowd is thinning and I find myself and GB swinging on the swing as a few other stragglers hang around. I say I have to go up to the lodge to the bathroom. GB says he will walk with me so he can get a dry shirt. Earlier in the night WD was pushed/fell (still up for debate) in the lake when he did he grabbed for GB to pull him in to but GB leaned back and let WD go in alone but in the process WD pulled GB's shirt over his head and into the lake to.

We walked up to the lodge talking but I could not tell you about what. We entered the building and I headed for the restroom. In my drunken haze I figured I would come out and he would be gone. So imagine my surprise as I came out of the bathroom to see him leaning against the opposite wall waiting on me.

And lets just say GB is pretty good looking and with his shirt off he is cut in all the right places.

He said something about me going with him to get a dry shirt and I followed him to the elevator. At this point the rum and beer is in full effect and as Girlfriend says I had hit "the fun part". We ride the elevator up to the top floor and exit. He glances both ways trying to remember where the room is. I follow him but as he slides his key in and goes inside I wander down the hall and stand to gaze out the window. The door had been left ajar so I could enter behind him but with everyone being downstairs I knew if someone came up and I was in the room it would not look good and assumptions would be made. Yeah even drunk I worry about what others think.

I heard him come up behind me and I turned around so that I was sitting on the ledge. He said something and I said something.... I can't recall what...... then I am looking at him talking and I see him lean forward. I keep talking as he leans further forward my brain not comprehending what is about to happen. Then his lips softly touch mine.

At this point the fact I am standing in the hallway making out with the Grooms Brother does not cross my mind. All I can think is that even with my braces he kissed me!! (Yes, since the accident the braces have made me feel a little self concious, perhaps because they make me look 17). And yeah I pulled away and started rambling about the fact and wanted him to confirm that he wanted to kiss me despite the braces. Yes I am a true dork who when drinking really says EVERYTHING that comes to mind.

He laughs and says yes. He leans in to kiss me again and I hear footsteps coming down the hall and we pull apart. GB is pretty solid and blocks me but I see past him that it is a drunk Uncle wandering up to his room. Busted. Oh well say he has had as much to drink as us and won't remember.....

I tell him we need to go back outside. He takes my hand and as we enter the elevator he leans down to kiss me again.

If you can't tell I love to kiss! I think there is nothing better than to be kissed. Especially when I have been drinking, cause then I have more courage. hehe.

We exit the lodge and head back for the swing. Everyone is gone. The place is cleared out..... How long were we gone? How did we miss the other groomsmen if they had headed back up to the room?

We walk out onto the dock and sit down our legs hanging over the side. We lay backwards, our feet dangling looking up at the stars. It's one of those moments the hopeless romantic within (if she still existed) would have loved. It was so peaceful. Then he leaned over and kissed me again.

The night air was growing cold and before long we headed back for the lodge. The elevator stopped on my floor and I exited it, my knees slightly weak from the rum or the kiss I'm not real sure. I exit the elevator and turn to tell him good night. Before I can walk off he has stepped off the elevator and pulled me close for one last kiss. He smiles as he backs back into the elevator and as I watch him go I think how good looking he is and that just once it might be ok to not be the good girl. I shake the thought from my head and turn in the direction of my room.

I am in the easiest room number ever 222. Really how hard is that to remember? Its not hard to remember.... just hard to find. The lodge has some kind of effed up numbering system! I find 221... next to it 217 I turn in a circle.... no 222. Shit.

GB is gone and I am standing in the hallway lost. Maybe I should have let him walk me to my room..... But lets face it I like to keep my secrets. I pull out the Blackberry and call Girlfriend who I was supposed to call to let me in the room anyway since I had given her my key hours earlier.

Girlfriend: "Hello?"

Me giggling: "I can't find the room!"

Girlfriend: "222."

Me: "I know I'm in front of 221, I don't see 222."

I hear a door open and GirlFriend pokes her head out laughing despite the early hour, "Get your drunk ass in here."

I stumble in, "Have you seen BB (bridesbrother/girlfriends bff who is sharing the room with us and Punk-Rock-Chick)?"

Me: "No."

GirlFriend giving me a look, "It's 4:30 where have you been?"

Me sliding on my PJ's, "Out on the dock......"

Hey it wasn't a lie.

To be continued

"He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress: you know it's not your style but it's right there, so you try it on anyway."
~ Carrie, SATC ~