Monday, June 15, 2009

Are we..... Cougars?

Cougar: An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.



The definition of a cougar can vary as you can tell by the blurb above. However one thing remained consistent in all variations of the definition I located ~ that a woman must be over 35 to be considered a Cougar. Shew! That is a semi relief and guess that just makes me and Vixen "Cougar's-in-Training". I don't know weather to feel sad or relieved......


Friday night Alice, Vixen and I got ready to head south to a concert being held at a club that I had obtained free tickets to. Dolled up to impress I actually had on makeup, which is rare and usually only tends to happen when we go out.


On the way down we were all discussing how that in reality we would be just as happy to be at home sitting on the couch watching a movie. We joke about how we are getting old and that if we hadn't got these tickets free we wouldn't be going.

Little did we know at the time what was in store for us.

We arrive and the place is packed!! We grab drinks and make a quick pass of the place before finding a spot on the dance floor in front of the stage. As we stand there I scan the crowd around us and I spot a guy looking at our small group. He is cute, but looks young. I figure he is probably checking out Vixen so my eyes keep roaming. Vixen is one of those tan girls that always looks naturally beautiful and can pretty much get any guy she wants. Yeah in that aspect she is a total bitch. Eh but I love her anyway.

The opening band is on and the three of us dance and sing along. A guy approaches Vixen and Alice and I laugh as he tries to draw her into conversation. Ok and I oogle a little bit cause this guy so resembles Edward its not even funny! As Vixen stares into his eyes its as if I am witnessing her Twilight fantasy take shape and come to life. After a few moments he disappears and Vixen once again starts dancing with Alice and myself.

The song comes to an end and as I clap my hands I feel a hand placed on the small of my back. I turn slightly and my head tilts back as I look up into the face of the cute young guy I had spotted earlier. He asks my name and tells me his. The conversation continues for a moment in which I learn he is 21....... 21!!!! His two friends have approached by this time and are talking to Vixen and Alice. He asks what I'm drinking [Vodka & Red Bull] then he pulls a nice guy [or perhaps player] move and asks Vixen and Alice what they are drinking.

Once he is gone Vixen and I laugh that we are getting older but the guys that hit on us are staying the same age seeing as the Edward-look-alike was also a mere 21. My guy returns with each of us a drink and we all thank him. I'm still new to the guys buying you drinks scene.... So I'm pleased that apparently I'm bringing braces back, as Vixen put it.

The band takes the stage and the show starts. For the next couple hours Guy stays by my side. Edward has returned to Vixen and Alice the newlywed takes turns dancing with me and Vixen. (We were happy Groomy let her come with us to the concert).


The night draws to a end. I'm slightly stumbling at this point. I am not near as cute as when I arrived and I lack the rhythm (or any rhythm for that matter) that I had once had. The Guy asks for my number and I hesitate. At five years my junior I know he is way to young. But what the hell. The vodka redbull combination leads me to believe it may not really be that bad of an idea. So I give him my real number.


The car ride home we laugh about the night and all say how surprised we are and that we didn't expect it to be such a fun and interesting night.

Alice drops us off at Vixen's house and Vixen and I climb in her big bed and pass out.

We awoke way, way to early! As if our punishment for being out late the dogs decide at the ass crack of dawn that it is appropriate to start running around and barking at anything and everything.


Vixen starts giggling, "I so kissed Edward last night."


"What?" I laugh and then pause memories of the night coming back. I slap my hand over my face. "I think I kissed my Guy to...."


"Oh you did. I saw you." She laughs even harder, "So not us!!!"


"I've never kissed a random stranger before!" Much less a random guy I met at a club!


"When did we become cougars??!!! I mean they were 21!"


I bury my face in the pillow. "We can look at this one of two ways," I explain, "One we obviously still got it cause they approached us, we didn't approach them. Or two we are complete, pathetic, loser cradle robbers."


"I think I like the first one best."


Carrie, "So, then what's really going on here? Do younger men feel safer?"
Miranda, "What's really going on here is sex. Good old-fashioned, eager to please, do what I tell you to, Eagle Scout sex".
Carrie, "But, I'm not having sex. It's a kissing thing."
Miranda, "So, what's the big deal? It's just a fling. It's not like we're throwing out our schedules or anything."
~ Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys, SATC ~

2 comments:

Date Girl said...

Haha, too funny. What's ironic is that us girls can date men 5 years older without feeling weird about it, but the younger ones we feel like cougars. I think it's a maturity thing.
I went out with my family when we were visiting Oregon, and the conversation came up that my grandma is 10 years older than my grandpa. My aunt is 5 years older than her husband. I laughed and said, well I'm not that much older, but I am 5 months older than Match. We all busted up as my aunt's friend says, "It runs in the family. You're all cougar bitches!"
And proud of it. ;-)

Somewhere In Between said...

Thank God the definition says you have to be over 35...that just means in 8 years, I'll officially be considered a cougar!! Love the SATC reference - that show is the greatest!