Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Marriage A Thing Of The Past?

So today I scroll thru the list of updated Blogs and head over to Date Girl Diaries, which lead me to:
I really don't have time to read the article yet I find my eyes drifting down the page so that I can relate it to Date Girl's post and hopefully compose a well formed comment. The author is ending her marriage. Yet she goes on to list statistics of why marriage is perhaps no longer a "forever" thing.

The issue has me torn. If you could rewind about two years I would stand here and adamantly disagree saying that marriage can be 'to death to us part' and a slide show would display my parents along with the parents of my five closest friends - all proof that marriage can work.

But now? Now I stand before you as a statistic. A statistic that shows marriage doesn't always work. Everyone who has read me before knows I am divorced. Which I am shamed to say. I never thought I would say that. I didn't think nor did I want to be a statistic. But shit happens. Sounds harsh but true. I tried. Some days I question myself and ask "Did I try hard enough?" some days I can only remember the good as if the bad never happened. But the reality kicks in and I know I tried and I know that the bad was real.

Do I wish I would have never got divorced? Yes. But if I had not would I have been staying married for the right reasons? Probably not. I may never know. Marriage is hard work and I hate to say it but love sometimes is not enough. I loved X very much and still love him and probably will until the day I die. I may never experience that form of love again. Yet love could not solve our problems.

Ok enough about me. I get sidetracked easily. Back to the article. She says that because the life span is longer now that marriage is just not as feasible (nor necessary) as it was in the past. And instead of putting the spark back in your marriage its easier to go out and find a new spark. ~ You know what she is probably right, It IS easier to go out and find a new spark. But that is the easy way out, is it not? So no, I do not agree with her. Yes, marriage takes work. But what in life doesn't?

I understand that women today are more independent therefore do not rely on the man as a provider as they once did - and I am sure this has an impact on the matter of divorce. Women are much more capable of making it on their own. However when you delve into the heart of it I think all women want to believe in marriage. Yet in today's society it is perhaps not as feasible as it once was.

Just like I want to believe that a life long marriage is possible. I want to believe in falling in love and having the family and the happily ever after. But speaking still from the position of the woman scorned I just don't know that lays in my cards.

"Leaning forward heavily across the bar, she swirls her glass and huskily drops the bomb: “I have to tell you — since we talked, I too have started thinking divorce.” “No!” we girls exclaim. With a stab of nausea, I suddenly feel as though now that I’ve touched my pool of friends with my black pen, a cloud of ink is enveloping them."
~ Sandra Tsing Loh ~


jwriter said...

Marriage is still honorable and very much needed...Fact? To me it is...Opinion...Yes.

Falling in Love? Possible Yes, Scary Yes, Amazing Yes, Dangerous Yes.

What am I commenting on??? I have no idea, I do know that you should believe in whatever you want to believe and don't let life or anyone else take that from you.

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common-sense. --Helen Rowland

Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits or boundaries;it is a partial and temporary collapse of them. --M Scott Peck

If love fails you give it another try...just be careful next time and pay attention to the signs. -jwriter

Date Girl said...

Yes! I'm glad you posted about this too. It fired me up so much.

I like what you said about if you'd stayed together, would it have been for the wrong reasons. That's what I was trying to say in my blog-there are sometimes where divorce is completely necessary. You put in the work, you TRIED. That's what this author doesn't seem to do in my opinion. She just shrugs and says, oh well.

I'm a child of divorce, and in no way should my parents have stayed together. But my mom is happily remarried, and has been married to my stepdad since I was 5. I know they'll be together for the rest of their lives.
So maybe she has that advantage from the first go round. Maybe you do too, because you now know what mistakes you've made, what you don't want to do again.