Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The V Card

If Vixen was in the know about my blog I would have her write this story for your enjoyment, but since she is not I will tell the story in the way it was told to me and will be writing it from her point of view..... and perhaps adding a bit of my own flair ~ enjoy.

First a little background ~~~ Vixen is one of those gorgeous girls that can have any guy she wants. I have been single now a little over a year and have only went on dates with 1 maybe 2 guys (?) while Vixen who has been single since December has went out with countless potential suitors - all seemingly wanting to have a relationship with her. Which they do not realize is the final nail in their coffin. Vixen is not looking for a relationship. If you think I have commitment issues.... well Vixen is right up there with me if not worse. She can be the ultimate bitch (I mean that in the nicest way) when it comes to guys. Each guy has a shelf life. Few dates. Tops. Then its adios. And the thing is she warns them off the bat. "I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP!" She is very clear about this. Yet they don't listen. Can't say she didn't warn them......

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So I don't believe in happily ever after, I mean that apparently only happens in movies. In the meantime instead of continuing on the never ending search for Mr. Right I have decided to have fun with Mr. Right-Now (a revolving guy who can and does tend to change weekly). But imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon a different breed of guy. One I thought was long extinct. A guy that still holds his V Card clean and intact..... Mr. Virgin. Yes, you heard me right.

Now I guess I can't really talk I mean its been so long for me that I think my virginity is starting to grow back..... but my six month dry spell (which is self-chosen) does not compare to 27 years!

This is new territory for me. I mean this is a good looking, nice, successful and dare I say passionate kissing guy. Not someone I would picture to still be a V Card carrying member. Naturally I assume its just a line. But the more in depth our conversation goes I am stunned to realize he is telling the truth. He is waiting for marriage. Which is great don't get me wrong. But you gotta test drive the car before you buy it. Right? I mean what if you get married and the coloring is awful? A point that I do bring up, to which he says that he will have nothing to compare it to. Ok valid point but what about the woman what if its not good for her? I feel like a completely shallow idiot when he replies by saying that the woman will marry him because they love him and that coloring will not be that important.....

What planet is this foreign creature from?

Perhaps it is that fascination that has lead me to extend his shelf life.... in a completely friends only manner, of course. Because to state again: I DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP!

So went out this past weekend and met Edward. Yes, Yes.... he was young. BUT HELLO this is Edward we're talking about here! Ok well the closest I will ever get to an Edward. Hey don't judge.

He calls and wants to hang out and I agree. I mean hell what do I have to lose? And really if my ex who is 32 can date a girl 11 years his junior why can I not date a guy 4 years younger than myself? See my point?! Besides this is Edward.

Fast-forward he comes up, we hang out....... and this morning at 7 am sharp I have to call E weather she is up or not to tell her he to is a V Card carrying member! Really?! Seriously?! Is this God's way of telling me to let the dry spell continue? Cause I am so not taking someones V Card. That is like purchasing a one way ticket straight to hell or something.

"The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor."
~ Carrie, SATC ~

3 comments:

jwriter said...

LOL lol lol that was a really great post. Hopefully he'll learn that "coloring" isn't the MOST IMPORTANT, but GOOD COLORING is ok, but GREAT COLORING IS AMAZING. I'm not saying he's wrong for holding a V Card as a matter of fact that's pretty awesome, but he should at least read some manuals and take some notes cause again COLORING IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT First Love, Commitment, Stable Finances, and Great Coloring...anyway him having a V Card maybe good for the women she can shape him in the way she wants/likes it. Go head Mr. Virgin and wait until your married. And good luck Single Girl.

Date Girl said...

All I can say for V Card boy is he better meet V Card girl. Pretty sure that's the only way it will work out. Vixen cracks me up!

Ana from far away! said...

It doesnt matter if the guy is younger than you, it's only 4 years... it's not like he could be your son or anything. About Vcards... I didnt know that there were any guys left with a Vcard, that is so weird.