Friday, July 31, 2009
So here it goes… 20 things about me!
1. What is your favorite item of clothing?
Oh wow..... hmm..... would have to say those great pair of Express jeans that are oh so comfy and look fabulous with anything! Dressy or casual!
2. What are your biggest obsessions?
Books. Nothing better than a good book...... but a close second is a fab purse or something great for Horse (yes I think some days I have split personalities ~ one likes girly stuff the other is a complete tomboy).
3. Who inspires you?
My Dad. He was very much a pay it forward type of person and would always try to help others out if he could.
4. Who is your favorite designer and why?
I love things I can't afford (like every other 20-somethings girl) but in my price range I love Forever 21 and Express.
5. What is your favorite song ever?
Ever..... hmmm.... Tommy Petty - Mary Jane is one that I always have to laugh and think about fun times, not sure it is my favorite ever.... but right now it is first song that jumps to mind.
6. What is your favorite song right now?
Jessie James, Wanted and My Cowboy
7. If you were a sweetie what would you be?
Chocolate Covered pretzels
8. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet - what words would you use to describe your rainbow?
Pastels ---- Pink, Green, Blue, Yellow
9. What are your favourite films?
Twilight, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Fast & Furious, X-Men (all of them), Bourne Identity (all of them), Sex and the City, Seabiscuit, I Love Trouble and to many others to name!
10. Who is your favourite actor?
Paul Walker will always be my main love
11. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?
Riding my horse thru the national forest
12. What are your 3 favourite smells?
Fresh cut grass, mens cologne, flowers
13. What are your 3 favourite tastes?
Dr. Pepper, chocolate, and teriyaki
14. What is your most treasured possession?
15. What did you always want to be/do when you grew up?
Race Horse Jockey, Children's Book Author, Journalist
16. If you were an ice-cream what flavour would you be?
17. If someone made a short film about your life, who would play you?
18. What would your perfect afternoon consist of?
A day outdoors doing something with Marine, like hiking or horseback riding
19. If you were a flower what would you be?
A Stargazer Lily
20. Tell me one random thing... be it your favorite line from a song, scene from a movie or quote from a book.....or tell me about something that you love.
"Life is like a coin, you can spend it any way you wish but you can spend it only once."
So I will tag these blogs:
Date Girl @ http://dategirldiaries.com/
Vivi @ http://whatifidogirl.blogspot.com/
Phoebe @ http://thegirlthatdreams.blogspot.com/
Unwritten @ http://unwrittenandundefined.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
The countdown has begun!! Only 3 more days! He will be home for the weekend! I can't wait! We have so much planned and not near enough time for it all.
I think I have mentioned it before (maybe?) but I am moving in with Vixen. I have had some reservations about the move, in that you hear sssssssssssooooooooooooo many horror stories about friends that live together and then it goes bad. But I have put the fears behind and have started moving boxes.
I even took off work Thursday so my new bed.... correction new mattress set and frame ~ hey I am a broke single girl who can't really afford a bed but had to have one and really what is the purpose of a headboard? ~ Any way so the mattress is being delivered Thursday. I was even able to talk Giggles into helping me move the last of my stuff.
So Friday night will be the first night I will officially stay in my new room on my new bed. And what better way to celebrate than with my new Marine? I am very much looking forward to him coming and staying this weekend, but I know that Sunday will come all to soon.
In other exciting news he asked me to the Marine Ball..... which is not till November..... this excited and scared me all at the same time. Excited: because I'm glad he is thinking we will make it to November and I think it will be fun to go to and I'm happy that things are going so well. Scared: in that we are talking future (even if just a few months) and what if I get my hopes up and this whole thing blows up in my face?
I know, I know its a chance I have to take. I refuse to punish Marine for past mistakes by others but yet that doesn't mean that I'm not still a little gun shy. I mean that is the point of learning from your mistakes.... right? You learn so as not to make the same ones again, therefor you proceed with caution...... (throwing up of hands) who knows. Let's just enjoy the ride!
It's not the destination that holds
A thrill for me
It's the ride.........
It's the ride.........
Oh it's the ride
Two hearts in one bed
Three words that have never been said
We got lots of time
It's takes a lot of tears to find love
The kind of love you can be proud of
That suits me just fine
I don't care where we're goin'
And I don't care where we've been
It's not about who's right or wrong
Who loses or who wins
It's the ride.........
It's the ride.........
It's the ride.........
So today I randomly check the good ol GMail and I have a new message. I open it to find it appears to be from a nice lady over @ bettyconfidential.com saying they love my blog! I almost delete the message considering it to be another spam mail..... but ok it's nice to be loved (yeah they compliment me off the bat and I'm suckered in) so I continue to read. After the praise she goes into telling me about the website, their target readers, etc. Then the last paragraph.... "We often post interesting entries from our favorite blogs as one of our “Daily Dish” articles, or suggest blogs to our readers in articles that have related themes. We would be interested in forming a relationship with your blog and sending our readers your way."
Hmmm I'm still thinking this is to good to be true. I mean as an aspiring writer this sounds pretty good. The mouse lingers over delete but before I can press the button I change my mind. I slide the mouse down and click the link.
The front page pops up. It's eye appealing (shaking my head as I study the page critically). Good use of colors, pictures, and headlines. After browsing the site a moment I got to business and head to the blog section and randomly picked a post by Carrie Seim about Facebook romance - because lets face it at one point or another we all have been involved (or hoped for) a little Facebook Romance. I mean come on just admit it.
I continue to read some of Carrie's posts and come to one where she has the courage to order a product (for professional purposes of course ~ and we all know I get embarrassed easy so just check out the link if your curious). By the end of the post I am cracking up laughing cause I could so see myself or one of my friends going thru this (that is if I had the courage to order it in the first place).
So the conclusion....
Maybe it was junk mail maybe they don't really love me or my blog. OR maybe they do. Either way I will definitely have to go back and visit Carrie's blog again (and no they are not paying me to say that ~ But would be nice seeing as I've been eyeing a $100 pair of leg boots for Horse).
Friday, July 24, 2009
Marine2 is wonderful! I cannot say enough good things. We talk every night, about anything and everything! We discuss everything from political views, abortion, religion, vintage cars, global warming, to mundane everyday things. Its great to have an intelligent conversation with someone.
Scary though when we talked about some of the serious stuff I was listening to his answers my jaw hanging down cause he was totally giving the response I was going to give!
The young girl comes in and during the interview process I hear my boss tell her that she will my assistant.... My assistant? I have never had an assistant so I'll be honest I was a little excited. But then I was struck with the thought that some days I'm really not that busy..... Oh well heck I'll have an assistant for a few months. Cool.
At least that was my initial thought.
Weeks later I am ready to kill her! And I am not a violent person.
It started when I came in last week to find a virus on my computer. I had been at the other office and had given her a stack of work and told her she could use my computer versus the one that is back in the windowless office that I like to think of as the dungeon. I thought I was being nice.
I am semi-ok when it comes to computers and I am able to quarantine the virus, get it removed and then get things back to normal. I give her severe warning about using caution when accessing the internet - No Myspace, don't download anything, etc. But yet I am to nice and try to do this in a non-accusing nice manner.
So this past weekend... she works on Saturdays. All she has to do is answer the phone. NOT HARD!! I come into work Monday morning and my monitor has a blue sticky note on it...... that reads:
I ball the sticky up and while biting my tounge toss it into the wastebasket as I press the power button. Now I have used You Tube a fair share and I have yet to get a virus from it, but ok say that is what happened.
The computer boots up and it may as well be a ship that is under fire and sinking fast. Viruses are everywhere and multipling it seems by the minute. Of course they have locked down my anti-virus program so I'm on my own in the battle.
Windows Security Suite.... is on the desk top. I have a feeling it is not what it appears to be. I go the dungeon and google it. Yep it's a parasite. I work on the computer for 2 hours before throwing up my hands and giving up. I unplug everything, put the computer tower in the 4runner and head cross town to the computer guy.
2 days and 75 dollars later I have the computer back. The assistant (I now use the term loosely) is still alive. I was as nice as I could be about the situation. I banished her to the dungeon and as punishment gave her stuff to keep her busy so that she could get no viruses on that computer as well. I STRESS to her no myspace!! Nothing but company related websites.
I leave her to work and head back to my desk. A short time later I head back to the dungeon to give her something I had forgotten about. When I enter I notice her hit the minimize button on the browser rather quickly. I approach the desk and review the items on the contract with her. She nods but I can tell she is not really listening. Curiously my eyes glance up to the screen. And there in the minimized tray.... Myspace.
Hello?? I point to and lightheartedly say "NO MYSPACE." She says sorry. I leave.
But really I understand she is young but total lack of respect here! And I mean if I knew I had done something that cost $75 to fix I would be extremely careful. Why are some younger generations just so lax? I need to get mean!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
In complete Southern manner as soon as I leave the table I become the main topic of conversation as I'm sure the questions are fired at my mom like a machine gun unloading.... :
How is she really doing? Still so sad about her and X (shake of head here). She looks good. Maybe lost some weight. Sure that has to do with all the stress (tisk, tisk). Still not seeing anyone huh? Well she's smart and beautiful she'll find someone. Has she checked into school anymore? So sad no kids in the near the future.
No I was not at the table but I can guess. As soon as my grandma glances me coming she quickly changes the subject as if to appear they haven't been talking about me. And in accordance to Southern charm.... I pretend not to notice as I take my seat beside her.
But I don't want the pity. I don't want them to think I'm still barely getting by. I love my Grandma and I long to tell her about Marine2..... something I have still not even really told my mom about. I mean let's not get their hopes up.
As we walk thru the barn my Granddad and mom discussing horses and bloodlines I slip my hand under my Grandma's arm and slow her down so that the other two get ahead of us and out of earshot.
With a smile I tell her about Marine2. I tell her its still early but that I really like him and then I show her a picture from the weekend trip that I have on the blackberry. She heaves a sigh of relief (I mean what southern girl can be truly happy without a man?...... sense the sarcasm).
In all seriousness though she seems happy for me. Yet still adds the comment about X, "Well I just never would have thought. After ya'll had been together for so long...." **Snap, Snap** Focus Grandma! Back to topic!!
I tell her not to tell my Granddad because it's still to soon and may turn into nothing..... but at least maybe now she can sleep easy at night.
Why is that older generations think that by 25 you need to be married with at least a kid on the way?? Or is that just good 'ol Southern values at work?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Perhaps I really didn't understand what I was getting myself into it. Perhaps I wasn't as prepared as I thought I had been. I was in to deep now. It's to late to turn back. I have already started to care for him.
I thought I had until January to prepare though.
Field Training sounded harmless enough. I tried to think of it like a camping trip....... You know with guns and targets. Routine, he said. They were to leave Sunday morning and wouldn't be back till Tuesday.
We talked Saturday night after I got home from the horse show and said goodbyes and he said he would call when they returned to base.
Sunday I went about my day. Then late in the afternoon I get a text "hey you ok?". My brow furrows at the message. So out of the ordinary from what he usually sends. My surprise to hear from him immediately informs me that something is wrong. I reply yes and ask about him. He tells me something crazy has happened. That he can't talk about it now but that he will call me later.
Being the worry wort that I am my mind immediately kicks into overdrive coming up with millions of possibilities of what might have happened. But I was far from the truth. He calls and tells me one of his guys committed suicide.
It was one of the guys I had met on my weekend road trip. I am shocked. I don't know what to say. Marine2 is dazed. He hung out with the guy all weekend. He says there were no signs. That even minutes before it happened the guy was joking around and laughing with them. The question lingers Why?
He didn't leave a note. He hadn't been depressed. Why did he do it? No one may ever know.
I am saddened by the loss. But then I'm told that after it happened they were lucky his gun didn't go off and shoot anybody else that was around (him being one of those people).
I thought I had till January to prepare. I thought I wouldn't really have to worry till he's deployed again. But that no longer seems to be the case. What if it had been worse?
I only met the guy once so I can't comment much but when I met him he was all smiles. I talked to him and he is in half the trip pictures. He didn't seem like a guy that..... well....... would take his own life. When you hear suicide you immediately think depressed.
I am saddened for his family, his friends, and his squadron. What must he have thought? Why did he feel the need to do it? What was his last thought? Why didn't he talk to someone?
May he rest in peace.
Friday, July 17, 2009
It has been two weeks since Marine2 arrived unexpectedly at the horse show. I have seen him the past two weekends but will not see him again till the first weekend in August.
Yet everynight around the same time he calls and I lay in bed laughing and talking to him for hours. Till the point I don't want to get off the phone but know that I have to go to bed.
I am reminded of High School. Remember? Right around the time you turn 15 and you get a boyfriend. But neither of you can drive so you can't really "go out" - all you can do is talk on the phone. Yeah that is us.
This will be my first attempt at a long distance what-ever-you-call-it (Not sure I'm quite ready to label it relationship). So far so good. But what happens when we run out of stuff to talk about? What happens when the 2 hour conversations turn into 10 minute conversations that are then followed by silence? IS this only working for us because it's new? I hope not because I really do like him.
I know that some of you (my blog friends) are currently in long distance relationships and I would love to hear some tips/advice/pointers....... anything about how you make it work.
Come on don't be shy!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
At 7:30 a.m. my phone rang. It was X's aunt. I still talk to her at least every couple weeks (we were always close) but a call this early could only mean something was wrong. Her somber voice verifies the bad news she has yet to deliver.
There has been a death in the family. She said that I am still family and thought I should know. I sit down on my bed in shock. Congestive heart failure. She was my mom's age ~ mid-forties. Wow.
I tell her thanks for letting me know and to keep me informed about funeral details. About 20 minutes later my phone rings. It's another family member also calling to tell me. Once again I am told I am still family.
On the way to work I place a call to X. In the past month we have been on good, friendly terms. I hope they can remain that way. As a friend I call to check on him. I know he does not handle things like this well. I offer my condolences and we talk about what a shock it is. I then tell him I plan on coming to the funeral home. I won't go to the funeral but I feel I do need to attend the visitation. I tell him to make sure he is ok with that. He responds, your family you have to be there.
I still do not think his new girl is right for him, but I have reached the point that I am ok seeing him with someone else. And I really do want him to be happy. And it would be nice if we can remain semi-friends. I mean I think everything happens for a reason. Maybe we were only ever meant to be friends. For one reason or another we were put in each others life for a reason. Yet sometimes I really do need the distance so I can continue to move forward.
No matter how hard I try to escape my past it seems that it always has a way of finding its way into my present.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Before long Hollywood and Marine Buddy headed back for the sand and Marine2 and I remained letting the waves crash around us. He took my hand and pulled me close holding me in an embrace as we floated. There in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean the conversation came up. The one I knew would eventually but also one that I wasn't sure I was ready for..... What are we doing? And where is this going?
I laid it all on the line. I told him I liked him but that I wasn't sure I was really ready for anything serious. He to was honest and said that he had vowed not to have a relationship until he got out of the Marines. But then we both agreed that we could actually see this working. Mainly because I have my own life. On weekends I stay so busy with horse shows it won't be as hard not getting to see him. I mean it will be hard but not like I'm sitting at home mopping I guess.
He said he didn't want to date anyone else and I told him I haven't met anyone else I am interested in dating either. We said we were free to date other people but had to give the other a heads up first. But that neither one of us could really see that happening.
We sit in the sand for a bit but then hunger takes over so we head down the beach in search of food. A blue building with a large crab reading Crabby Mikes draws us in. The food was good but the company was better. Marine Buddy and Hollywood had decided to share a combination of shrimp and fried oysters. I admit I have never tried oysters before so the two encourage me to try them. Marine2 tells me I'm not going to like it. I refuse to admit he knows me well enough yet to know what I will like or dislike so almost wanting to prove him wrong I take it and put in my mouth. And chew. Ew Ew Ew!!! Squishy and...... Yuck! I swallow it..... apparently with a God awful look on my face. Which earned me an "I told you so". Damn ~ point to him, I guess.
After lunch we headed back to the hotel to shower and get ready for the evening ahead. But lets face it we had been out on the beach in the hot sun all day. After which a nap is always needed. So while one person showered the rest of us napped and revolved in shifts.
A quick call though tells us the movie started early and we have missed it....... ok so we pile in the Honda and head to the nearby theater at the mall. Now Marine2 has already warned me there isn't much to do in this military town. As we approached the theater I could tell this must be true. Every movie for 7:30 was sold out. Even the bad ones you know that no one really wants to see.
So we decide to go ahead and grab a bite to eat. We head to a Mexican restaurant that they claim to be good.
After we returned to the sports bar. Still a little over an hour before the fight is to start the place is packed with a line waiting out the door. We laugh and just turn around and Marine Buddy pulls out his phone. We had been invited to one of their friends house to watch the fight also. So the group that was going to the sports bar changed route and headed to the friends house.
There were about 10 marine guys total along with some girlfriends and significant others. All seemed so different and some perhaps would have not been friends given another time or place but the bond that these guys had awed me. All had went to Iraq together and had a deeper relationship than even I could have anticipated. They were all great guys and welcomed Hollywood and myself with open arms as if we were already friends, not strangers they had met only minutes before.
It was a great night and one of the funnest I have had in awhile. After the fight to much beer had been consumed to drive so we called a cab and headed back for the hotel. Someone had the great idea (not really sure who... but I suspect Hollywood) that we go to the sports bar, which was now clearing out, and have a shot. I was at the happy place. Not drunk, yet not sober. A good buzz. We approached the bar and Hollywood ordered a round of lemon drops, no, no, no! After lemon drop night no way!! Uh huh not doing one. So I tell the bartender I want a shot of Jack instead. Maybe not my brightest moment but definitely better than doing a lemon shot.
We hold our glasses in a cheers as we ask someone to take our picture. Then with a cheers its down the hatch. Been awhile since I've done Jack (ordered for Vivi who I miss and did a toast to before turning it up). As it hit my stomach I felt myself go over the edge. I waved goodbye to the buzzed me and crossed the bridge to tipsy-ville. And my stomach tells me the shot was not such a good idea.
I'm tired, its been a long couple of weeks. As Marine Buddy and Hollywood order another shot Marine2 asks if I'm ready to go back to the hotel. I nod. So hand in hand we bid the other two ado (who really didn't seem to mind we were leaving) and headed back to the hotel.
We lay there in the dark talking and maybe it was the beer that gave us the courage. But next thing I know he's saying that he really does like me, etc. And the next thing I know we agree that we are definitely just going to date each other.
And for those wondering no we did not hook up. He is very much a gentleman. I think this really has the possibility of turning into something and I want to take it slow. But let's be honest Sunday I really was not ready to leave!!
E, "Well I wasn't till you asked! Now you got me wondering if I should be."
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I like this boy. I mean I really, really, can't-stop-smiling, like this boy. But then again I'll admit I'm a little scared.
He called last night and we talked for two hours. He is easy to talk to and we have so much in common.
The con is: he is based 8 hours away.
The pro is: he is based 8 hours away.
Yes you read that right. I can see the 8 hour distance as a pro as well as a con. The pro in that I'm still not really ready for anything serious and the distance kinda helps keep the pressure off. At the same time its a con cause I do like him and would like to hang out with him more.
The original plan was that he would not be back down till Labor Day. Last night he said he was going to try to come down the 1st weekend in August and he kinda implied that if things kept going good between us he would try to come down at least one weekend a month.
I can't stop smiling.... I forgot how much fun it can be having a crush!
But I'm not getting my hopes up....
Monday, July 6, 2009
This morning I am grinning from ear to ear and nothing can seem to burst the happy bubble I have wrapped myself in. Wow I forgot how nice it can be to have a crush. Now I don't want to jinx myself or get ahead of myself here, I mean it's just a crush. But let's get real here, it has been sssoooo long since I have had a genuine crush! With the holiday weekend Marine2 was able to take leave and come home. I had not spoken to him since the Memorial day confusion. Then Friday night I sat atop Horse and see a friends familiar truck and horse trailer pulling into the Saddle Club. I see two guys I had been expecting pile out along with one unfamiliar face and then the rear door opens and out climbs Marine2. Very unexpected. I slide off Horse and meet him half way as he wraps me in a friendly hug. Vixen and I talk with the new arrivals as they unload and saddle their horses. The unfamiliar face belongs to a Marine buddy of Marine2 who decided to come south instead of returning home for the long weekend.
The night goes on. We all ride around. As it comes my turn to run I can see them gathered around the end of the arena. As I approach the barrel I hear them cheering, my own personal cheering section. It's nice to have support. The arena was not up to par in my opinion so I eased Horse thru the motions never letting her reach maximum speed for fear of injury in the less than perfect conditions. We ran our slowest time to date..... and still placed 5th! I was happy. But with everyone there it would have been nice to have taken home the blue but my horse and her safety comes first. After the run I unsaddled her and Mom left en route to take her home. As previously planned I was camping out with Vixen and Hollywood (I have way to many friends up till now she has been referred to as girlfriend but since she keeps making appearances she deserves a name! lol She is the girlfriend I work at Sportsbar with).
Marine2 had talked with Mom as I had unsaddled Horse. Once done I climbed on behind him (on his horse) and we headed off to join the rest of the group and watch the rest of the show. The rest of the evening I rode around double with him laughing and having a great time
Fourth of July was good as well. Last night of the horse show. I think we were all tired as my Saddle Club members gathered around helping each other get everything ready.
Sunday we packed up the camper and the horses. The Gang and I went and stopped for a late lunch and then Vixen and I were on the way home. I was exhausted. After taking care of everything at the barn it was 5 o'clock. Having gone 8 days straight with long days and short nights my eyes instantly closed as I plopped down on my bed.
Shortly after 8 my eyes fluttered open, it was dusk out and I lay there debating on getting up and getting something to eat or on going back to sleep when my phone rang. My heart skipped a beat as Marine2's name flashed across the display.
Like a giggly teenager I answered the phone, a smile already on my face. He asks if I have plans for the evening. I tell him no (I mean sleep can wait). He asks if I want to maybe hang out and watch a movie. Of course I agree. Vixen is not home so it's just me (have I mentioned I'm moving in with her). We have been out of town for a week. I make a quick grocery store run before returning to the house.
Him and his Marine buddy arrive movie in hand. I knew the buddy would be with him so I had already called in Hollywood to play wingman. Marine Buddy was cute, Hollywood was single ----perfect!
The movie ends and the four of us dissect it reviewing what we just saw. Conversations start to vary as a TV program comes on. A short time goes by and Hollywood bids farewell, she has an early day of work to prepare for.
The three of us remain watching TV. I drift off for what seemed like only a moment but was perhaps slightly longer. I awoke to see Marine Buddy fast asleep and Marine2 awake watching the TV and softly rubbing my arm. We start talking. By now it is after 1 a.m. He tells me they need to go. I want to invite them to stay the night. But I hesitate. I mean I really like this guy and I don't want to give him the wrong impression. On the other hand I won't see him again till Labor day so the few short hours that remain I don't really want to give up.
We cover Marine buddy up with a blanket and quietly enter the bedroom. And no nothing happened for those of you that are wondering ~ The coloring drought continues. We laid awake talking for hours playing the 20 (more like 200) question game. We had so much in common! The alarm was set for 6:35 and the last time I looked at the clock it was a little after 5. I didn't want to close my eyes. I didn't want to lose a minute. He said it was nice just laying and talking to someone and I couldn't have agreed more!
He kissed me. Not one of those passionate gotta have you kisses that is fiery yet fleeting, but a soft and gentle first kiss that leaves you hoping it will be the first of many to come.
After about an hours worth of sleep the alarm sounded and he crawled out of bed to go wake his buddy. They were leaving in an hour to head back to base. I got out of bed and walked them to the door.
He leaned down and kissed me gently right there in front of his buddy (if a guy kisses you in front of his friends I always think it means they really do like you ~ so I took this as a good sign). He told me he would call.
And you know what? I really hope he does...... This is a wonderful, exciting, scary feeling. One I haven't felt for nearly 9 years. The last real crush I had was X.
And don't take this the wrong way but Marine2 is everything X was and more.
I can't stop smiling. Keep your fingers crossed!
Joey, (Thinking about Rachel) "I've got nothing to worry about, it's just a crush."
Joey, (Thinking) "I love you!"