Tuesday, July 21, 2009

No Title

I wasn't sure this was something I should post. I have turned it over in my mind for days. Perhaps it's not appropriate. Maybe I shouldn't discuss this. It's really none of my business. It doesn't pertain to the blog....... but it does pertain to my life. And let's face it life isn't always funny or entertaining. Sometimes things happen we don't understand. Sometimes we are left with questions that we will never know the answers to.

Perhaps I really didn't understand what I was getting myself into it. Perhaps I wasn't as prepared as I thought I had been. I was in to deep now. It's to late to turn back. I have already started to care for him.

I thought I had until January to prepare though.

Field Training sounded harmless enough. I tried to think of it like a camping trip....... You know with guns and targets. Routine, he said. They were to leave Sunday morning and wouldn't be back till Tuesday.

We talked Saturday night after I got home from the horse show and said goodbyes and he said he would call when they returned to base.

Sunday I went about my day. Then late in the afternoon I get a text "hey you ok?". My brow furrows at the message. So out of the ordinary from what he usually sends. My surprise to hear from him immediately informs me that something is wrong. I reply yes and ask about him. He tells me something crazy has happened. That he can't talk about it now but that he will call me later.

Being the worry wort that I am my mind immediately kicks into overdrive coming up with millions of possibilities of what might have happened. But I was far from the truth. He calls and tells me one of his guys committed suicide.

It was one of the guys I had met on my weekend road trip. I am shocked. I don't know what to say. Marine2 is dazed. He hung out with the guy all weekend. He says there were no signs. That even minutes before it happened the guy was joking around and laughing with them. The question lingers Why?

He didn't leave a note. He hadn't been depressed. Why did he do it? No one may ever know.

I am saddened by the loss. But then I'm told that after it happened they were lucky his gun didn't go off and shoot anybody else that was around (him being one of those people).

I thought I had till January to prepare. I thought I wouldn't really have to worry till he's deployed again. But that no longer seems to be the case. What if it had been worse?

I only met the guy once so I can't comment much but when I met him he was all smiles. I talked to him and he is in half the trip pictures. He didn't seem like a guy that..... well....... would take his own life. When you hear suicide you immediately think depressed.

I am saddened for his family, his friends, and his squadron. What must he have thought? Why did he feel the need to do it? What was his last thought? Why didn't he talk to someone?

May he rest in peace.

1 comment:

Ana from far away! said...

I don´t understand why people do that... what can be so overwhelming that you have to take your own life?