Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Past Keeps Finding Away To My Present

We can try to run for our past, but in reality we can never really escape it..... no matter how hard we try.

At 7:30 a.m. my phone rang. It was X's aunt. I still talk to her at least every couple weeks (we were always close) but a call this early could only mean something was wrong. Her somber voice verifies the bad news she has yet to deliver.

There has been a death in the family. She said that I am still family and thought I should know. I sit down on my bed in shock. Congestive heart failure. She was my mom's age ~ mid-forties. Wow.

I tell her thanks for letting me know and to keep me informed about funeral details. About 20 minutes later my phone rings. It's another family member also calling to tell me. Once again I am told I am still family.

On the way to work I place a call to X. In the past month we have been on good, friendly terms. I hope they can remain that way. As a friend I call to check on him. I know he does not handle things like this well. I offer my condolences and we talk about what a shock it is. I then tell him I plan on coming to the funeral home. I won't go to the funeral but I feel I do need to attend the visitation. I tell him to make sure he is ok with that. He responds, your family you have to be there.

I still do not think his new girl is right for him, but I have reached the point that I am ok seeing him with someone else. And I really do want him to be happy. And it would be nice if we can remain semi-friends. I mean I think everything happens for a reason. Maybe we were only ever meant to be friends. For one reason or another we were put in each others life for a reason. Yet sometimes I really do need the distance so I can continue to move forward.

No matter how hard I try to escape my past it seems that it always has a way of finding its way into my present.

1 comment:

Unwritten said...

I have the same problem. My parents and my ex's were friends BEFORE we started dating. My younger sister thought of him as a brother and his younger brother was like a brother to me. We're still close but I don't see them as much. It's hard having to relearn how to interact with people.