Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Marine arrived at the house last night just a little after midnight. As he took me in his arms and kissed me as he crawled into bed beside me I for one was very grateful for unanswered prayers. We laid awake and talked. Yeah we talk every night on the phone for hours so you think we would have nothing to talk about, but perhaps some stories are just better in person (I mean you got to have your hands to really get the point across lol).
It was perfect. I didn't want to go to sleep. I didn't want to miss a minute of what is sure to be a short weekend. This morning as I got ready for work and he got ready to go get his hair cut and run errands... ~~~~ wait and let me interrupt here for a moment. It is so unfair that guys can get ready in no time! I mean I'm not high maintenance nor do I wear a lot of make up, but seriously I am blow drying my hair this morning and he is already ready laying on the bed watching TV. I am only on the 2nd stage of the morning process, after I blow dry my hair I still have to straighten it and throw on what little make up I do wear. Yeah Guys have it so easy.....~~~~~ Ok anyway where was I? Oh yeah. We were getting ready and I was thinking "wow I really don't want to leave him." And then after thinking this a wave of shock rolls over me. I don't think I have ever had that thought. I mean I very much like my "ME" time. Not that work is ME time but you know I get up in the morning and in certain instances I was always kinda glad to go. Even with Big, leaving avoiding any discussion of where we stood or what was to come next. I mean heck some mornings I would slip out while he was still asleep ~ a fact that I never really acknowledged till here recently.
Marine is different than any type of relationship I have ever been in. In a good way of course. But you know I think that I had to go thru all the bad to really appreciate it. As we get ready to leave we hug bye at the door. "I really don't want to leave you," He says. I can't help but smile as I admit I feel the same way.
He's coming to meet me for lunch and then I'll see him after work. So won't be to bad. He is so nice and considerate and all the things I really didn't think a guy could be. I thought guys like that were a myth. A fairy tale to keep young girls hoping for love but I guess I never really believed it existed.
It makes me sorry that I settled for less in the past. But then again if I hadn't would I really appreciate all the little things now? Honestly, probably not.
Yeah I think I'm finally in a relationship where things are how they should be (hopefully not jinxing myself!!!)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tomorrow I have to work, since I'm taking off for my birthday and then a week in November to go up for the Marine ball I can't really afford to take any additional days off. But he has stuff to do (like weed eat and put new seats in his Jeep) but he's still going to meet me tomorrow for lunch and then I'll see him when I get off work.
Not to gush.... ok I'm going to - He is so nice! Looking forward to a fun weekend!!! And a fun month. I get to see him this weekend, next weekend, then off a weekend, then see him again the next weekend for my birthday.
Saturday a bunch of my friends and his friends are getting together for diner. Hopefully it will go good and everyone will have fun!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
So this year I have thought about just letting it slide by, and perhaps going to a festival that Vivi is throwing that weekend in her hometown. But no definite plans made yet. I already knew Marine couldn't come home that weekend and I had thought about going up there but lets face it I really don't have the extra money. Marine offered to pay for the hotel and everything if I came up, but I didn't want him to do that. I don't know why but I have a problem letting a guy pay for everything. Maybe I like being independent. I mean I know he works hard for his money to so why should he (or any guy) be expected to pay for everything? Maybe its just me (...... well me and Vixen - we had this conversation already).
So yesterday I get a text:
Marine, "Made plans for the weekend of the 19th yet?"
Marine, "Ok great"
Me, "Why? lol"
Marine, "I'll tell you tonight. You may not even want to do it."
So I spent the rest of the day about to die from curiosity. I love surprises, but the suspense..... I just can't wait! After work he calls and we talk a minute before he finally tells me the surprise. He is way to sweet and starts off with saying he understands if I want to spend my birthday with my friends and he doesn't want them to be mad at him if they already have something planned. I laugh and tell him to spit it out already. He tells me that his roommate and his girlfriend are going out of town that weekend and the roommates girlfriend has an apartment in the next town over. She had asked Marine if he would come over that weekend and feed/walk her dog, etc. Then somehow she knew my birthday was that weekend (maybe Facebook) and told him to invite me up and that we could stay at her apartment.
I excitedly tell him yes as he tells me some of the things we can go do in the historic downtown. He tells me it will be a romantic weekend just the two of us. I can't think of a better way to spend my birthday.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
"In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight."
~ Vivian, Pretty Woman ~
Friday, August 21, 2009
I like this boy. I genuinely like this boy, I think as I hug VB bye. I'm not thinking. It's a habit really, "Bye I love you." As the words leave my mouth they register with my brain and I freeze. Oh my ga.. Oh my ga... maybe he didn't hear me. I close my eyes. But oh no he heard. He pulls me aways and holds me at arms length. He has a surprised look on his face. "I didn't mean!" I say flustered, "It came out. I'm so used to telling mom and dad bye and all my friends say it.... and..." I shake my head.
He laughs. I don't. I AM mortified. Before he can close the front door behind him I am tearing down the stairs at a full run. I hear music so I know E hasn't left yet. I barge thru her door.... did I knock? Who knows I mean I just told VB I loved him for fucks sake. Thank god she was dressed. I throw myself on the bed as she turns to look at me quizzically her hands busy pulling her hair up.
"Oh my ga! Oh my ga! OH MY GA!!! You will not believe what I just did."
"What," E asks a smile spreading across her face.
"I told VB I love him."
I nod my head, "Yep. But it was an accident I didn't mean to. It slipped out. Habit. Bye I love you. I mean I say to mom, dad, sis, you, Blondie...... I mean really why do we as friends always have to say I love you????!!! Because this is what it causes! You get so used to saying it every time you say bye that you... well.... slip up and it just comes out!" I rush never pausing for breath.
E stares back at me. I can tell she is trying not to laugh. "So do you?"
"Do I what?"
"No," I shake my head, "No of course not. I mean its way to soon. Besides I don't fall in love. You know me......... Ok maybe I really like him. I heart him..... That's it ~ I heart him...... Which is close to love but not quite there."
"I'm sorry but that is to funny." She bursts into laughter, "I would have paid money to see the look on your face, or his!"
I can't help it. I laugh to. "I am never telling you I love you again!" I exclaim as I get up to leave.
As I exit the room she calls after me between giggles, "Bye I love you sweet cheeks!"
"I hate you!"
Robin, "You know what? You gave it away too early. You're an "I love you" slut."
Ted, "Yeah, well you're an "I love you" prude. You know what? I'm taking mine back."
Robin, "You can't do that!"
~ How I Met Your Mother ~
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
"32 days till your 27!" She exclaims during a lull in the conversation.
Yes, for the past 2 months I get a daily message telling me how many days I have left till I get yet closer to 30 and further away from 20. This then put us on the topic of conversation of "where" we are at in life.
Mind you we have been best friends since we were about 15. At 15 neither of us expected us to be living together at the age of 26 but then again we have both always said we gotta stick together, because really who else would put up with us.
"Please stop saying that. I thought we agreed this would be 26 round two," I laugh.
She laughs and for a moment we continue in silence.
"Really though, this is not where I thought I would be at in life at 27," I say. "I mean I'm getting closer to 30 and Marine is still closer to 20 (side note ~ if I haven't mentioned it Marine is 4 years younger than me). Am I crazy? I mean I would like to have kids at least by my early 30's. It's to soon to have that conversation with him. But I mean what if I'm just wasting my time. I'm not getting any younger. The age difference hasn't bothered me. But that's the only part that kinda gets me. He has time. I feel like I don't. If its not going to work I don't want to waste my time..... Does that make sense?"
"Yeah it does. But you gotta remember Marine doesn't act his age."
"I know but think about it how many guys our age or older that are single would you want to date..... besides VB of course ~ he is a rare exception."
She makes a face as she thinks, "None."
"Exactly its like we have to go younger. I mean that way we can at least mold them to the way we want them." I joke as I feed another piece of paper thru the shredder.
"Your right I mean are we supposed to settle? It's like time is running out. I don't want kids but I don't want to get 40 and think that I never had the option at least."
"We sound like a Sex and the City episode."
Vixon continues to dust, "Yeah. But seriously are we at the age that its time to settle? Or do we keeping looking for that mythical soul mate that probably doesn't exist?"
"I don't think we should settle.... I don't think we are settling. But is that why we're still single? OR correction were single. Did others settle or are we just the only ones that didn't seem to get a map?"
I always planned to age gracefully. Thinking that people who dreaded getting old were ridiculous, I mean its going to happen if your ready or not. But now I see their point. There is so much more in life I would have liked to achieved by now. Such as a great job that pertains to my degree, I mean sounds simple but in this economy I'm just happy to have a job. Are we ever really happy with where we are in life? Or is it human nature to always want just a bit more?
Marine left over a week ago for a 16 day training thing (yes that is the extent of my knowledge). 16 days no phone, no email, no contact. I have grown used to talking to him for a few hours every night. But the sudden stop made me realize I missed him and perhaps liked him more than I had intended to. I missed our chats, missed the random texts.
But after those first initial days it was like the little elf inside me returned from vacation and looked at the wall around my heart that had started to give way. Its like he shook his head and started to mix up the cement in preparation for putting the wall back up and sealing the cracks. I think that is a natural reaction after being hurt. Even though I know Marine is coming back and nothing has changed, its like that little elf wants to protect you. He doesn't want your heart to get broken again. Weird analogy, huh?
Why is it that after we have been hurt we are very reluctant to let someone new in? We resolve (or at least I do) to not punish a current flame for a past ones mistakes. Even with the best intentions we do though. Subconsciously, perhaps. We do it by not letting them in, not giving them that full chance.
Yeah absence can make the heart grow fonder...... or it can give you to much time to over analyze.
And for that over-analyzer he did sneak and call me Sunday which was a great surprise! Yes for now I'll tell the elf that he can take some more time off and see what happens. I'm not ready for the wall to go back up quite yet.
“We're women; we have double standards to live up to."
~ Ally McBeal ~
Monday, August 17, 2009
As a recap in the past few months I have:
Broke a bone in my mouth and dislodged a front tooth resulting in braces and who knows what else. Still in braces at this point.
Horse and I have fallen sideways in which she landed on my leg. Both of us were ok though. Apparently we were just proving a point that the dirt was to deep in the arena.
And those are just the major events. Don't get me started on the little bruises, etc. My mom has threatened to buy me hockey pads and make me wear them around on a daily basis.
Well Saturday I was getting ready for the show. I had just finished giving horse a hair cut. I go climb up on the step stool to unplug the extension cord. I have a million and one things going thru my mind. I turn and instead of climbing down the step ladder (you know the small ones that are a few feet high), I turn and step off. My right foot going down first. Simple. I've done it before. As my right foot makes contact with the ground my ankle twists up under me and I crash to the concrete scraping my left leg up in the process. I am frozen in fear that my ankle is broken. I sit on the edge of the concrete trying to breath calmly. Horse has stepped forward in the cross ties and is peering down the hall at me as if trying to figure out why I have abandoned her.
I don't cry but I heard the pop. I am afraid my ankle is broken. So I sit a moment trying to remain calm. A few seconds pass, I wiggle my toes. Good. A few more seconds, I move my ankle. Great! Still hurting... I stand up and walk a minute on it. It hurts and is already swelling. I put Horse back in her stall and head for the house. I put ice on my ankle and pop some ibuprofen. I'm not unfamiliar to sprains ~ my right ankle is weak from an old basketball injury anyway.
Yep I'm a klutz. Now this is when one of my friends calls and says "So you can't show today."
Nope I went to the show. For points purposes I had to be there and participate. Winning was not as important as my being entered.
The irony came Sunday when I went to give Horse a bath (we didn't get home from the show till 4:30 a.m. so she did not get a bath till later that afternoon). Vixen always says that Horse and I are to much alike ~ mainly because I have allergies and so does she. Both of us were sneezing up a storm Saturday. So Sunday I am bathing her and her right ankle is swollen..... I rack my brain trying to think when this could have happened. Nope I got nothing. She even had on protective boots..... she isn't favoring it or anything but nonetheless it is swollen. So I ice her down and then doctor on her as well. Maybe we really are just alike.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
This is where Marine and I took our first hiking trip.
But lets focus for a minute on the last one. Today I was going around catching up on my blog reading. Ana From Far Away! posts Surrendering to the World - she has a list of things but at the end she talks about the opportunity to meeting someone new (or missing the opportunity). After which she states, "Sometimes when you stop trying, is when everything kind of settles..."
As I have also been stressing to my dear friend Hollywood lately, when you stop looking is when you really find what you are looking for. That is a fact. Not sure why, but it seems to be some unspoken law of nature. Every relationship I have had has come along when I least expected it, Marine not being an exception. I gave a brief summary before on the night which seemed to be our starting point but perhaps I should go into a little more detail so as to support my theory.....
Friday July 3rd, 2009
Horse shows every night for a week. Going to bed between 2 and 3 a.m. getting up a little before 7 a.m. so that I could feed horses and be to work on time.... so sleep was a distant memory by this point. Friday July 3rd was no different (except I had taken the day off work). I had camped out at the show with Vixen. We had stayed up till nearly 4. When the alarm sounded at 6 I knew it would be a long day. I quickly got up and threw on my clothes from the day before and tried to make my way out of the maze that was the camper without waking Vixen's parents or her younger sister.
As I softly closed the door the sun's rays were just becoming visible over the mountain. I walked down the row of campers till I came to the one that belonged to the boys (the boys = friends as well members of my saddle club). I knock on the door...... nothing..... I knock again..... nothing.... I wait a few moments and then bang, rather than knock on the door. This time I hear a stirring from within. Blondie's brother (one of the boys) opens the door sleepily rubbing his eyes. "Crap I slept thru my alarm," he mutters.
Great. Just great. As he goes to wake up the other two I head to the barn to load their horses on the trailer. We were cutting it close anyway. We have to be on the other side of the mountain to my house and ready to go by 8:00..... it is close to 7 when the four of us pile into the truck. I want... no make that I NEED a shower. But as we pull into the barn at 7:40 I know it just isn't going to happen. I rush to the house just long enough to throw on clean clothes, brush my teeth, spray on some body splash, and pull my hair in a ponytail as I high tail it out the door.
It is the boys fault that we were late therefor it was only fair when I arrived at the barn and they had Horse saddled and ready for me. I have just enough time to slide the bit in Horse's mouth and swing on as Blondie's Brother throws my stuff into his saddle bags. Where are we going you ask at 8 in the morning? Oh just on a 20 mile trail ride..... ever ride 20 miles on a horse in July? Yeah it takes about 6 hours and its hot. But its tradition.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
~ Paulo Coelho ~
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
No matter what happens some days will always hold a significance to you. August 11th will probably always be one of those days for me. A few years ago it was my wedding day and then a year ago it was the day my divorce was final ~ for some reason I always saw this ironic that it should begin and end on the same day.
In just a year so much has changed. Even down to the way I view things such as life and everyday situations. I once thought this day would live on as the happiest day of my life, this time last year I thought the same thing but for a different reason. Now this year.... well I finally see the light.
Everyone has always said that everything happens for a reason. I hate hearing that. But it's true. I can look back now and kinda understand why things have happened the way they did --- mainly because had they not I would not be where I am now or the person that I am.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
And from the trauma of the whole experience the mouse has probably been in hiding ever since.
I had my first run in with the mouse this past week. It was tiny but still it made me jump and I barricaded my bedroom door at night cause it was so small it could fit under the door and I really didn't want to be ambushed by it in the middle of the night!
Well you know I am an animal lover and I was going to buy a mouse trap but then I almost (almost) started to feel sorry for the mouse and wondered if I could just shew it out of the house. I know… I know… it’s a mouse! But it was a teeny, tiny mouse and the thought of finding it smashed in half in a 98cent mouse trap just made me cringe. And lets face it had that happened I probably would have shed a tear for the little innocent mouse. Friday morning I left the house thinking I would just worry about it come Monday (I had horse shows all weekend so was planning on staying at mom’s). Sunday I returned to the house and upon entering the basement I smell something….. different. Not a good smell. As I proceed toward my bedroom the smell vanishes. I don’t really pay it any mind and head up the stairs.
Later Vixen and I are sitting on the porch and she announces I don’t have to worry bout the mouse anymore. I’m happy about this announcement but ask what happened anyway.
“You didn’t smell it?” She asks.
I admit I smelled something but wasn’t sure what it was. She explains that the mouse climbed up in a plastic tub we had had filled with ice and drinks the weekend before and apparently drowned. We had emptied it but apparently there had still been some water left in the bottom of it.
I felt a twinge of sorrow for the small creature..... I know I'm to much of a softy!
VB was out of the room at the time of conversation but we quickly voted he should be the one to dispose of the mouse. Which he did.
Mouse problem solved.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
My Blackberry goes off. I figure it's Marine who has been texting me. Instead it's Hollywood informing me, as gleefully as one can get in a text message, that Marine has changed his Facebook status to..... relationship.
At first the thought of this makes me smile...... and then it slowly makes me want to slightly panic. I mean us knowing (and our friends knowing) that we are dating is one thing. Informing the entire world (in world I really mean our small town where news travels fast) we are dating is another. I mean changing it to relationship is easy... but what happens if it doesn't work out? When someone changes their status back to single it is quickly followed by many questions some of which come from people you have not talked in so long you didn't even realize they were still alive.
Saturday Morning I log into Facebook and before I can change my mind I hit the accept button, sending out to everyone in my network that I am no longer single.
Does this now mean I have to change the name of my blog?
Thursday, August 6, 2009
After diner his brother and his brothers girlfriend accompanied us to meet up with Vixen and VB for a few games of bowling. Lesson of the night: I bowl better after a few beers. No joke. The first game I think I came in dead last out of the six of us. The second game though I made quite the comeback even at one point getting a strike!
It was so much fun and Vixon and Marine seemed to hit it off. Breathe huge sigh of relief because I'm crazy about him but I really wanted her to like him as well. -----> At the end of the weekend all my friends told me that he's a keeper and that they liked him.
Vixen, VB, Marine and myself arrived home a little after midnight. Marine and I are both yawning and ready to go to bed. VB suggests a game of beer pong before bed. We exchange a look and Marine shrugs his shoulders. One game. We play one game..... and we lose...... Best 2 out of 3, they say. At this point neither of us wants to waste what few hours we have left playing Beer Pong but the cups are racked up anyway.
At one point we are in the lead. Marine shoots and misses terribly as he turns to me.... he winks. Ahhh I get it. I shoot and miss but mine doesn't look quite as obvious as his bad shot did. VB gets the game plan in that if we lose the game is over, if we win we will have to play one more game. After about 5 minutes of us just throwing the ping pong balls at each other we all laugh and say heck with it and good night.
We lay awake in bed talking about things from the day and the plan for the next day. The schedule is packed! And then the conversation took a turn. During the beer pong game with a devilish grin Vixen says, "So whats the deal with y'all?" I tell her I can't be won in a game of beer pong like her and laugh as her cheeks flush slightly.
As we lay in bed he drifts back to that conversation. I know "the talk" is coming. We always laugh saying we have a high school romance (you know cause we talk all the time but rarely see each other, much like when in high school before you can drive) so in line with that he tells me all he's missing is the note with the two check boxes as he asks if I want to be his girlfriend. I think, just think, he knows what a commitment phobe I've been because he quickly adds unless that's moving to fast. In the dark I smile as I tell him yes I'm not interested in dating anybody else. Ok yeah, yeah, I really like this guy. If there were a checklist of things I wanted in a guy.... well he has it all ~ never met someone who matched this list so completely, normally they are off on least a few of the things.
So Sunday we awake and head to meet his dad for lunch but not before making a detour to the bowling ally to pick up his debit card that had absentmindedly left at the counter the night before.
This was my first time meeting his dad and I think it went pretty good.... he was very nice and said he would like to go up to base one weekend to visit Marine and invited me to go with him. So I took that as a good sign, but after an 8 hour car ride with me he might just change his mind....
The rest of the afternoon was spent running errands and getting stuff done he needed to do while in town. In the afternoon before he left, we had just finished unloading horse feed (he has a horse also ~ which coming from dating guys that aren't into horses finding one that is is a major +) we sat on the porch of his parents house just enjoying the beautiful afternoon. All of a sudden he says he almost forgot something. He gets up and comes back a minute later with his back pack. He digs around a minute and then pulls out a small bracelet. A smile spreads across my face as I hold out my wrist and he puts it on. "See I told you I'd make you one." It's a green and tan braided bracelet that he made for me. While visiting him at the beach I commented on one that he wore. He told me he had made them while in Iraq for his family and a few close friends. Ok, Ok I know it might not be much but it meant alot to me.
Overall it was a great weekend. I was sad when I had to tell him bye. But we were going out to diner for Giggles birthday and I would be late as it was. So with a tight hug and last kiss I said goodbye. But he'll be home again before to long. Don't they say absence makes the heart grow fonder? Guess I'll find out if thats true.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Ok I may have you confused. You really want to hear more about my weekend with Marine.... and that is coming.... promise. But while writing my last post the question came to mind: when did the rules change?
In our early twenties we stuck to Lauren Conrad's rule that if your a good girl you wait 6 months before you give it up (aka color ~ if I have you lost on the coloring to term please refer here). As we got a little older we thought we could cut that time in half..... so 3 months. Well apparently Vixen and I have both broken the rule both of us coloring after only a month.
At once this rule was so easy to stick to. Why is it that as we get older the rules change? The game is the same.... ok well not really...... I can honestly say Marine is different from any other guy I have ever dated (which if you knew the losers of my past you would see this as a good thing). But still I had at least planned to hold out till Labor Day.
Of course Vixen and I also said we did not want a relationship. Guess we broke that rule to. Eh oh well.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Marine, "What do you have in your hand?"
The laugh of the night is awarded to VB (Vixen's Boy). I have said she is much like myself (except much much worse) in the fact she runs from relationships. Well about a month ago - the same night I ran into Marine - she ran into an old acquaintance. He was a friend of mine but the two of them had never really known each other any more than a first name basis. They hit it off immediately and I kick myself for not thinking of him as a possible suitor for Vixen sooner.
Any way back to the funny part ~ Vixen has refused to say they are dating exclusively... so imagine my surprise as I sit on the front porch swing with Nurse Betty when VB runs out to tell us Vixen is now his girlfriend!..................... crickets chirping................................ What??...................... Engrossed in a game of beer pong Vixen and VB are matched up against Blondies BF and Nurse Betty's husband. Both teams are down to one cup. It's VB's turn. Vixen says "you make this shot and I'll be your girlfriend." Swoop!! Perfect shot!
Vixen's mouth drops and VB just grins. Who knew you could win a girlfriend at a game of beer pong?