Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday night I tried to stay up and wait on him to get to the house but around 1:00 a.m. I lost the fight and sleep overcame me. I was awakened around 2:30 when he crawled in bed beside me. He apologizes for waking me up and reiterates how the normally 8 hour drive took over 9 hours due to the stormy, rainy weather. I don't care how late it is nor do I care that he woke me up, I'm just happy that he's here.
I don't know how but it seems we always have plenty to talk about. We began talking and didn't actually stop to consider sleep until the first hints of sun started to seep from behind the mountains. We slept a few hours then got up and hurried to leave the house and start the day.
Saturday was a low key day that ended with a trip to Sports Bar to watch the College Football team. Our team won! Yahoo!!
Back at the house we were laying in bed talking about the things he wanted to do Sunday before he left. Maybe a little back story here --- Marine may be slightly younger but he totally has his act together way more than any guys my age! When he joined the Marines instead of blowing his money on frivolous things he bought a house. Shortly after his parents sold there house and moved into his while they are preparing to build a house on some land they have. So while he is enlisted they are living there and helping him make the payments and the plan is once he's out their house will be done. So the situation is working out well for all involved. The house is small and little by little he is fixing it up. It has a great view though, a pasture and a small barn for his horse.
On the to do list was to go and look at paint samples for painting the exterior of the house. As we lay in bed he is throwing out ideas of colors he has been thinking about. He asks my opinion. I shoot one idea down and tell him I like another color better.
"But don't listen to me, it's your house paint it the color you want," I say after voicing my ideas on the matter - trying to sound neutral.
"I want to pick a color you like to," He responds and pauses for minute, "After all I'm hoping you'll want to live there with me one day."
I freeze trying to fight the urge to smile as I raise my head off his chest to turn and look at him, "Really?" I ask a smile creeping onto my face.
"Yeah..... I mean would you want to live there with me?" He sounds slightly uncertain by my response or lack there of.
"Of course," I lean down and kiss him, "Can I bring Horse to?"
He laughs, "Of course. I've already measured out where I can add on to the barn and build a stall for horse."
He says this because his horse stays outside all the time, granted it has a shed to get under out of the weather. Horse on the other hand is high maintenance. Yes you read that right. Maybe it's because she's a barrel horse - who knows. Anyway she goes outside daily but after an hour or two she's done. She wants back in. Back in the barn out of the heat and away from the flys and relentless gnats; or in the winter she wants back in where she knows I will put her warm winter blanket on her. He has a barn now but it is open and mainly used for storage but definitely enough room for a stall or two.
The fact that he has already considered Horse really means a lot to me. We spend another hour laying there discussing what we will do when he gets out. Then we talk about the upcoming deployment. He has already been on one deployment to Iraq and admits he really does not want to go to Afghanistan.
"Before we went to Iraq I had good feelings. Maybe it was because I was naive.... I don't know. I just don't have good feelings this time," He sighs, "But I signed up - I knew what I was getting into and I'm proud to serve my country. Just got to finish my time. Then I'm ready to be out and come home."
I keep hoping they will push the deployment back far enough that he won't have to go. Selfish, I know but having lost one friend to the war and hearing countless tales of others lost I can't help but feel selfish.
I try to cheer him and not show my worry or that I to have bad feelings about the deployment. I want to feel positive about it. But it's hard. I change the subject. Back to talking of things we have said we want to do when he gets out; trips to take, people to visit, simple things that he misses while away.
Eventually the conversation ceases and we say good night. As he drifts off to sleep I can't help but be happy looking toward a future with him, but yet at the same time feel heavy hearted for the obstacles he must over come before we can get to that point.
Remainder of the weekend posting to come --- sneak peak ---- Marine's mom, "She's a keeper."
~ E ~
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Guys, girls, close friends, people I haven't talked to in forever - doesn't matter. When they have a relationship problem they call me. Maybe this is because everyone also knows that what is said to me stays between me and them. Who knows.
So these past couple weeks I have had the same problem arise (ok well similar problems) with two of my friends. One male friend and one female friend - not in a relationship with each other I might add. Both have things they wish their boyfriend or girlfriend would do or things they wish they would do differently. I know I'm being generic..... anyway I advise both friends to talk to their significant others about how they are feeling. The responses are similar in that they: can't talk to their boyfriend/girlfriend about the problem, their boyfriend/girlfriend won't listen, etc.
In my opinion communication and honesty are the key to a good relationship. If you are feeling some way you should let your partner know. And you should be able to talk to your partner about anything. Am I right?
Maybe it's just me. But like I told them - the boyfriend/girlfriend isn't a mind reader - unless you state there is a problem chances are they don't even realize there is one. Communicate!!
Ok I guess that is my rant of the day.
Monday, September 21, 2009
I pulled out of the driveway at 7:22a.m., a full 22 minutes later than I had planned for. This would be my first long road trip by myself and I had tried to plan accordingly by putting the things I knew I would need on the passenger seat within close reach; you know map, directions, purse, snacks etc. I had the Ipod plugged in. I was ready! 7 hours (or maybe 8 depending on traffic) Just me and the open road.
My attention span is only so long. Plus I have not had a full nights sleep in months. So when I stop to get gas I decided I am in need of a pick-me-up. I have never drank energy drinks (unless you count redbull and vodka) so I am unsure which one to pick as I stand in front of the vast selection. I recognize the blue Monster because Vixen tends to keep a few in the fridge to help her with her early morning commute. It calls my name so I quickly take it and after handing over $2.50 for it (2.50??!!! Really! I was surprised it was so much!) I get back in the car and pop the top. The first sip...... hmm.... I can't decide if it is good or not...... reminds me of a blue sweettart - mixed with crack of course. But it gave me a much needed boost.
The drive went by surprisingly quick and Marine (such a sweetheart) called to check on me numerous times. I was also able to use the spare time to catch up with Conscious, who I have not really gotten a chance to talk to in a few weeks.
I arrive at apartment [did I mention we are staying at his roommates girlfriends apartment while the roommate and girlfriend are out of town for the weekend? We are also watching a tiny dachshund who I later learn that despite his small size, has a rather large mouth.] and take the dog out for a walk. Marine isn't off work yet so I sit on the couch and watch TV, something which I never seem to have time to do. Its great to just sit and relax.
I sit on the couch doing homework and listening to the TV as the small dachshund curls up by my side for his afternoon nap. My phone goes off, Marine texting to say he is off work and heading my way. Base is about a 45 minute drive from the apartment so I'm not expecting him anytime soon. Five minutes later there is a knock on the door, first of my many surprises. I open the door and Marine is standing there smiling.
"Liar," I laugh as he picks me up in a hug.
We curl up on the couch and watch TV for about 30 minutes, talking and laughing - just enjoying being together. We then get up and get ready to head out to diner.
We were seated at an Italian restaurant and our orders have been placed when Marine leans forward and says, "You realize this is our first date?"
I start to retort no when I catch myself. He's right. This is our first actual date. Just the two of us. All of a sudden a wave of nervous wash over me, "Your right...." I pause, "Now I feel like I should be nervous! Gee thanks!"
He laughs and reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. "What do you have to be nervous about?" and he proceeds to make a joke that makes me laugh and blush at the same time all the while reminding me just why I am so crazy about him.
Diner is wonderful! Afterward we ride downtown and go on a short tour of the historical town. SO many things to see. But it's dark and some things will have to wait for the following day. For desert he takes me to Cold Stone Creamery (I had never been) which is amazing!!! I had the cookie doughn'tcha, a combination of cookie dough, Carmel, and pure heaven! He of course had some strawberry, banana, healthy thing that was ok but not nearly as good as mine! Nor as sinful I'm sure. We sat out on the patio and enjoyed the last of the summer breeze while we ate our ice cream.
After we headed back to the apartment for some us time. We go to bed early, both of us exhausted from the long day.
In the middle of the night I feel him squeeze me and whisper softly in my ear "happy birthday sweetheart". My eyes flutter open and I can't help but smile. The room is dark and I wonder what woke him. "It's officially your birthday," he kisses me softly, "Go back to sleep..."
As he holds me I drift off to sleep thinking my birthday has only begun and so far its on the path to being the best yet.
The next morning I awake to receive 27 kisses and one to grow on, even though I argue that I'm not really 27 but instead prefer to think of it as 26 round 2! With a smile he leaves the room and comes back bearing gifts. Like a little kid I excitedly sit up in bed as he places them next to me apologizing for the wrapping. I open the first one. It's a book I have said for a year now that I want but have yet to buy, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. The next presents were Marley & Me book on CD (for me to listen to on the drive home he says) another book that has been on my "To Read List". And lastly a cute bear with a hooded sweatshirt that reads - Hugs & Kisses Marines. I catch a whiff and pull it close breathing in his familiar Cologne.
"That's for when I'm gone to Afghanistan. So you don't have to sleep alone." I know I know, cheesy. But it melted me. I tell him thank you and how much I love all three gifts, all three gifts are thoughtful and perfect.
"So you gonna tell me what the surprise is now?" I grin as I head for the shower.
After getting ready and heading downtown we go to a local brewery and grill for lunch. Studying the menu we both chose a beer made by the brewery and that the waitress confirmed as being good. The food was great and so was the beer!
After lunch we walked around the historical downtown for a short bit, then headed to the local aquarium. It was small but still fun! And we were able to see a rare albino alligator. Marine kept glancing at his watch making sure we wouldn't be late.
We returned to the apartment with enough time for me to change clothes and refresh my makeup and hair. We had 7 o'clock reservations...... but where I still didn't know.
The destination: The Melting Pot. I had never eaten at the Melting Pot and that had come up in a previous conversation between myself and Marine. As we walked in he gave them his name and we were escorted back to a private corner booth - separated from the others, it was very romantic, and well planned on his part if I might add. When the waitress appeared he was ready and ordered the four course meal - Alpine Night Out, Fondue Fusion. The four courses we comprised of all my favorites! First up was spinach dip! It was amazing!!!! And I feel that calling it amazing still doesn't really do it justice. Next were salads, then the main course (see picture): Lobster Tail, Filet Mignon, New Strip, Applewood Smoked Bratwurst, Marinated Shrimp, Roasted Garlic Crusted Chicken, Sun Dried Tomato Ravioli and Fresh Vegetables. Yes that was a lot of food!!! But there was more to come, for desert he had picked my absolute favorite! I love, love, LOVE turtles! Carmel and chocolate mixed with nuts are my weakness. So for desert, to quote the menu, we had Flaming Turtle - milk chocolate, Carmel and chopped pecans, flambeed table side. Of course it came with a gazillion things to dip but my favorite I would have to say was the strawberries. ------------ oh and to drink I had a Strawberry Basil Lemonade which was a mix of Strawberry twist vodka, fresh strawberry, basil and lemondade. Delcious!
Upon leaving the restaurant stuffed to the point my pants no longer fit we proceed down the street to a sportsbar hoping our College Football team game will be on. But we are out of state and no suck luck. So we proceed further down to the theater. But of course nothing is playing either of us really wants to see. So we keep walking down to the Barnes and Noble.
Yes we spent nearly an hour and half in Barnes and Noble and for those of you who know me know that I am a book lover. So naturally this was the perfect way to end the perfect night! Well of course hhhmm hhhhmmm besides the coloring later on back at the apartment...... but anyway.
Yes there were other funny, more embarrasing stories from the weekend that I might perhaps share later but for now this will have to do. It was the best Birthday I have had in awhile, not to mention the best date I have ever had! Who knew guys existed that could be romantic, thoughtful, and considerate.............. and great in bed........................ Yeah he has to have a flaw somewhere but after several months I have yet to find it.
P.S. ----> Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes!!
“It's my birthday. I'm officially old."
~ Carrie, SATC ~
Friday, September 18, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I quickly shed my clothes and head for the bathroom with only my underwear on. Marine and I are still in that honeymoon faze I guess you could say and also we're tired. Why take two showers when you can save time and take one together?? hehe.
So I head for the the bathroom first. I close the door behind me and reach in and turn on the shower. I take off my sports bra and as I'm sliding my underwear down my legs a small grey streak of lightening shoots by my foot.
The toilet lid was down (thank god) I jump on the toilet and apparently start screaming. Ok yeah I screamed and jumped up and down and the tiny mouse runs against the door bounces off and continues to repeat this pattern because he is trying to escape the ear piercing shrieks coming from me.
I hear Marine yell something at me and the next thing I know the door opens. The mouse shoots out the door and under my bed. It narrowly misses Marines foot yet he does not see it. He is looking at me concerned. I meet his eyes realizing I am still jumping up and down on the toilet with one hand over my mouth as I half screech the word mouse, the other hand pointing..... and oh yeah I'm butt naked.
He lets out a breath, "Babe you about gave me a heart attack! I couldn't get to the door fast enough!"
"I'm sorry.... it came out of nowhere....... it startled me."
By this time he's laughing, "I thought someone was in here with you! You gave three screams and not 'oh its a tiny mouse screams' they were 'I think I'm about to die screams'," he shakes his head.
I make him go open my bedroom door in hopes that while we are in the shower the mouse will make its way out of my room and into the unfinished basement. Then I planned to go by the Scarlett O'Hara theory, "I'll worry about that tomorrow."
I close the bathroom door behind because I already know that it can't make it under the door and we get in the shower. I ask what he would have done if I would have had the door locked. "Oh I would have busted it down for sure."
We get out of the shower and I leap from the bathroom to my bed and make Marine check all the nooks and crannies, you know under the bed, under my trunk, behind the TV stand, under my bookcases. Coast is clear no mouse. So I close the bedroom door and barricade the bottom with a towel.
Ok maybe that was going overboard but really could you sleep knowing a mouse may be in the bed with you??................. I didn't think so.
Marine climbs in bed and reaches over and turns off the lamp. He puts his arm around me and I snuggle down my head on his chest to go to sleep. I let out a sigh.
*****Crisssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (plastic bag noise)*********************
I freeze, "Did you hear that?!"
Marine half asleep, "Hear what?"
Silence. Everything is silent except the crickets chirping outside.
"I don't hear anything......." He whispers.
"I know I heard something. It was in the bathroom," I whisper back wondering if I am really going crazy and paranoid over a tiny mouse.
We hear again. Marine stiffens, "Do not scream," he whispers as he slides over and switches on the lamp. Stealthy he slides out of bed and reaches down and picks up one of his flipflops.
"Do not scream." He says again as he walks quietly toward the bathroom. He switches on the light and then goes in and closes the door.
I bury my head under the covers. Because really we all know if I see it run out I AM going to scream. I promise I'm really not a scaredy cat I just don't like things that jump out at me!
From behind the door, "Little bastards fast!" Marine exclaims.
I pull the covers down and stare intently at the closed door not really sure what is going on within. A few seconds of silence......................... "Oh shit he can climb!"
Despite the wee hour I let out a chuckle and then I hear WHACK!
"Got him???" I ask.... WTF?? Got him?
The door swings open. Marine is holding a wad of toilet paper in his hand and dangling from it is the mouse.
Marine then goes outside to dispose of the mouse and returns and washes his hands. I feel the need to wash my hands as well even though I have been no where near the mouse.
Minutes later we are once again laying in bed.
I break the silence, "I don't know if I'm impressed you killed the mouse with a flipflop or if I'm scared because that's the early warning signs of a serial killer."
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Saturday Marine woke early and left to go fishing with his Grandpa. Vixen and I headed in the opposite direction as we attended Hollywood's little boy's birthday party. It was the official welcome of the terrible two's. A year that I'm sure she hopes won't live up to the horror stories. His love for Cars, a movie he wants on repeat 24/7 was the party theme.
After the party I returned to the barn to feed horses and get my things ready for the horse show that evening. I had finished up with everything and was sitting in a rocking chair waiting for time to leave. I rocked enjoying the moment of peace. Marine walked thru the door and my heart skipped a beat as he greeted me with a smile. He slid into the chair next to me and reached over and took my hand as he told me about his afternoon and then asked about mine.
He helped me get the horses ready then the two of us along with mom headed to the horse show. We got there and he walked with me as I did the routine I did every weekend. It was weird yet nice to have him accompanying me as I went to sign up, unloaded the horses and proceeded to get everything ready. Most people would have gotten in my way, messed with my routine. But he didn't he was actually a big help and it made me appreciate the fact that he actually knew about horses. We had brought along a horse for him to ride and we sat atop our horses side by side and watched the show, waiting on my turn to run. I had so much fun and he seemed to as well. It was great having someone I could share this special part of my life. Horses are my passion and they have taken a backseat before when I have been in a relationship but I can tell this time is different. Its like having the best of both worlds. I can race and have the relationship. And he was so supportive! I had a good night. Placed 3rd in one event and 5th in the other.
Now I have a funny story. It involves a mouse, a flip flop and screaming. But this is a recap so you'll get that story a wee bit later.
Sunday morning, with very little sleep, we get up and head to church. After church its off to lunch with Marine's Dad. Then to the feed store where we pick up horse feed for his horse and take it to his mom's and unload it in the barn. That left of with just enough time to hurry back to the house and change clothes before everyone started arriving for the cookout.
It was a fun day. The cookout went well. Great food, great friends, fun times. It was still different from last year and I missed my friends that were unable to make it. But maybe next year.
Monday we again awoke early..... well cause let's face it - Marine is only home for a short amount of time and there is always alot to try and fit into that time frame. We headed to his Mom's where we ate brunch with his mom, stepdad and stepbrother. It went good as it always does. Then Marine and I gave his three horses each a bath before grabbing fishing poles and going to meet his Grandpa to go fishing.
At first I was hesitant on the whole fishing trip idea. I know that is something he and his Grandpa usually try to do while he is home. It's their time spent together. I didn't want to intrude. But I am told I am welcome to come by both parties so with a smile I agree to go. I had so much fun! I had already met his Grandpa once before and knew I liked him but after the fishing trip I knew that my first impression had been correct.
Now as far as the fishing went I did catch a few trout, which was good. But I also caught something quite unexpected..... a rather large crawdad. Not one but three! So yeah I was pretty much at least able to give Marine and his Grandpa a good laugh because apparently they fish at this spot all the time and have never caught a crawdad. Yeah I'm just special like that. :)
After fishing we meet up with his parents and his little sister and go out to eat Mexican.
Yes it seems the only thing we did the entire weekend was eat!
Tuesday morning I awoke and got ready for work. Marine packed his bags, he would be leaving shortly to head back to base. As we left the house I hugged him. Not wanting to let go. I would see him again before he left but still this was the private goodbye, just the two of us.
I arrived at work hungry. I had been to busy to eat breakfast. I sat at my desk, I was the only one in the office when the door opens and in comes Marine with a Chick-fil-a bag. With a smile he places it and a Dr. Pepper on my desk, "I know you didn't eat before we left the house...."
Seriously how sweet is that?! He is so considerate, so thoughtful, and just so wonderful! I really never believed guys like him actually existed.
I met him for lunch and then after that he left for base. It was a great weekend. Of course the time passed to fast. But it's ok, I'll see him next weekend when I go up there for my birthday.
I know this is a half ass post. I'll admit the weekend was so much more fun than this recap does justice. In all honesty I'm tired. I have been going way to much, with way to little sleep. Just seems there are never enough hours in the day!
I do promise my next post will be much more entertaining as I tell you a story from the weekend that I will just refer to as Mouse Trap.........
Sunday, September 6, 2009
My closet doors are mirrors. Two gigantic mirrors. I don't remember the exact circumstances but I was standing at the foot of the bed (in front of the mirrors) and Marine wrapped his arms around me. I was in my pajama's...... ok that's a lie...... but I'm trying to keep my face from turning flaming red here. Anyway you get the idea.
Marine leans down and kisses me on the head and then rests his chin on top of my head as he hugs me. My head turns and I see the reflections in the mirror.... Imagine a perfectly sculpted Greek statue........ Perfect curves, perfectly sculpted abs, rippling muscles, no flaws - WHATSOEVER..... Yeah that's Marine. My eyes drift to the other reflection and I notice the dimples on the backs of my thighs that I don't really remember ever being there before, what is that? My eyes squint focusing a little more... is that cellulite?!! EEEKKK!!! It is!!! And what happened to those great calf muscles I used to have?? They seem to have disappeared..... and then there's the pudge - that little bit of stomach flab that no matter how hard you try you just can't seem to get rid of..... yeah that's me.
Ted, "You go to a gym, don't you?"
Barney, "I go to World Fitness, but I don't go to work out."
Ted, "You don't?"
Barney, "No, I go to invest."
Barney, [at the gym] "There's one of my investments. Hey, Sheila! Looking good!"
Ted, "You invest in women?"
Barney, "I invest in women who - How can I put this delicately? - They fat! I give them the attention they don't get now, and when they get hot, who do they come to? The guy who gave them attention back when they weren't."
Ted, "I don't know if I should be disgusted or impressed."
Friday, September 4, 2009
We are all growing up and heading on different paths of life. So much has changed in the past year. We are all still friends - just to much going on to get together like we did last year. It's no ones fault. Things change. People change. We all have our own lives. We're still friends don't get me wrong, I'll just miss the six of us being together in fact come to think of it that may be the last time all six of us were together at one time....... What happened to the days of young carefree? Where exactly did they go?
It will still be a fun weekend though. Marine should be home tonight between 8 & 9! I'm so excited 4 nights 3 days. To much to do and never enough time. Tomorrow night I have a Barrel Race and he is going with me. I'm a little nervous (I mean pressures on) and excited all at the same time. Sunday is the cookout at the house and then Monday will hopefully be a relaxing day at the lake or something.
I really like Marine (which I think you all get that by now) I look forward to seeing what the future will hold. But for now I just look forward to a great weekend!
What have you got going on for Labor Day?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Mouthy Thoughts of the Day:
1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
4. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
5. That's enough, Nickelback..
6. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
8. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no Internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
10. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f&*% was going on when I first saw it.
11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
12. The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can recognize their own image.
13. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
15. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
17. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
18. Was learning cursive really necessary?
19. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
21. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
22. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
23. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart"..
24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
25. I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
28. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
33. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
34. Bad decisions make good stories
35. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
36. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
37. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
38. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.....
39. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
40. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
41. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
42. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
43. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
44. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
45. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
48. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light Internet stalking.
49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
52. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
54. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
55. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
56. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
57. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
58. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
59. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
60. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
61. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
62.. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
63. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.