Monday, March 1, 2010

Lack Of Emotion

Originally written 12/3/09 after Obama's Troop Surge Speech

Last night Marine and I were talking on the phone and he says, "Oh I've been meaning to thank you."

Not recalling anything I have done in the past twenty-four hours that was thank-you worthy I ask, "Why's that?"

"Last night after Obama's speech you didn't panic, you didn't cry....... you were strong and supportive. Roommate and Roommate2 were on the phone with Girlfriend and Wife while I was on the phone with you and they were hysterical and freaking out. Wife said she had been crying all day. This didn't help Roommate or Roommate2 at all," he pauses, "It really made me appreciate you. I know its not easy but it made it so much easier on me that you weren't freaking out and all."


Since that conversation I have been thinking about emotions and emotional strength. When I heard the speech I wanted to cry. But if I've learned nothing else over the years I've learned crying does not solve anything (side note: but I do understand that sometimes you just need to cry). I have been thru many hard times during my life and yes I have cried during them but that solved nothing and only left me feeling weak and out of control. Now I try to be strong and look for the best despite how bad it may appear.

At first when Marine told me about the other two girls I thought, 'should I have cried?' - 'does this mean I don't care as much as I thought I did?' - 'what's wrong with me?'. Then I realized that crying was not the factor here, yes I did care about Marine and that absolutely nothing was wrong with me. I was seeing the situation thru the eyes of an adult, not the eyes of a self-centered child that only considers themselves.

I knew when I started dating Marine that he had a 95% chance of deploying, it was all just a question of when. I know it will be harder on him as well as me than either one of us can possibly imagine. I mean he has deployed before but last time he was not in a relationship. I knew dating him would not always be easy but I decided it was worth it.

It's funny to reread this... I never would have guessed he was planning on proposing a few weeks after this :)


One of The Guys said...

I hope you are doing OK. THE GUYS and I are thinking about you and Marine. Well, all of the troops that is. Take care.

Your site was one of the ones we gave props to with our post today. Enjoy!

Aurora said...

Found your blog via 20sb.

I totally agree on this. My boyfriend is on his first deployment to Afghanistan, and my only thoughts have been there to support him. Am I lonely? Absolutely. But I have my family and friends, all the familiarities of home. He has none of that. While I let him know that I miss him and can't wait to see him, I keep myself strong for him, especially since he's having a rough go at it. But in all the support groups, both online and at home, there is nothing that talks about how to support your man when he is circling around deployment depression.

I hope you visit my blog, and we can support each other.