Friday, March 12, 2010

The Singe Girls Bible ~ Cosmo


In high school my friends and I would buy magazines with headlines that read like a how to guide for men. "How to turn him on", "How to read his signals", "How to make him want you", etc. All titles screamed Coloring (For new readers learn the definition).

And all were magazines I would hide from my parents.

As I moved into my early 20's magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and Marie Claire were the essentials of life. Sacred material that was the Bible for any young girl, not to mention your go to guide for just about anything.

As Marine and I stood in the Barnes & Noble magazine section Carrie Underwood caught my eye from the cover of the latest Cosmo. "How to touch a naked man" ~ reads the main headline in bold and under in a less eye catching font "16 naughty strokes that will send him over the edge".

Cosmo may be a women's magazine but it is all geared toward men. Or more specifically the things men want from women. From a woman's perspective of course.

Marine by this time has found the magazine he is looking for and turns to see what I've found.

"Oh la la," I flash the cover and grin.

He raises his eyebrows - either thinking I'm crazy or he may be in for some fun later - "Do we get to try that later?"

"Depends..... feeling lucky?"

He takes the magazine and makes his way to the check out where he puts it on the counter with his stuff and hands over his debit card.

Back at the lodge we are sitting on barstools at the tiny kitchen bar. Marine is surfing channels and I choose this as an appropriate time to flip open the magazine and study up.

He is engrossed in something on the History channel and I am mid-article when the silence is broken.

Marine, "What are you doing?"

Me, "Huh?"

He looks down at my hand.

I follow his eyes.

Down to where my index finger and thumb are in a position similar to what you would do if you're saying something is small.

"ummmm....." while reading the article I had been making the hand movements unconsciously.

My checks flush, "Nothing......." I reply in a sing song voice.

He scoots his stool closer. "So what does it say?"

As Marine peers over my shoulder I sum up each number: The T-Spot, The B-Spot, The F-Spot, and so on and so forth.

He laughs at a few, "Where do they come up with this stuff?"

I become slightly offended, I mean does he not know that Cosmo is the end all, know all of what men really want??!! How dare he question their accuracy.

I determined to show him that they know exactly what they are talking about memorize a few points to try on him later in the bedroom.

I won't give you the details but a few phrases that were mentioned to these new techniques:
  • Whoa what are you doing?!
  • No, no, no, no, no your going nowhere near there
  • What is this supposed to make me feel again?
All intermixed with a lot (A LOT) of laughing.

My experiment was disheartening to say the least. How could Cosmo be wrong? It must be Marine. Maybe he's not normal. It could have been that I was doing it wrong, but let's face it I'm not going to take the blame. So it had to be him. Cosmo CANNOT be wrong.

**************************

Next morning picking up the magazine....

Marine, "What his text really mean..." he reads another cover head line. Turning to me, "You took advice from a magazine that tells you how to interpret text messages?"

I can't help but laugh. Maybe he has a point......

4 comments:

Aurora said...

HAHA! Love it! I bought the same magazine and was reading it out loud to Apache on one of our web cam "dates." His reaction was pretty much the same to all of them as Marine's.

One of The Guys said...

He's got a damn good point. I won't lie. I've read through my share of those magazines. (OK, I've looked at the pics too!) I like to be informed on all fronts.
What I've found, is that they just recycle the same stories, but give them different titles. And they make them all seem, like they've just discovered something no one else knows about. And they do it in such a way that we all buy them. Amazing!
Funny, funny story!

Date Girl said...

Haha, so true Guys. Those stories in Cosmos are the same as they were 10 years ago, when we'd giggle over them in high school. They're terrible! I love that you tried them on Marine E. Hehehe. Hahha, I can only imagine what bullet point number 2 is, and if it's what I think it is, Match has yelled the same thing and then fled the room. Hahahahha!

Nikki said...

Found your blog via SITS!
I think there needs to be a guy version of Cosmo so that they know what women want...but that would probably be impossible LOL.