Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Playing Field

So before going to bed most normal people make sure that they have set the coffee pot or something. I make sure that I have a Dr. Pepper in the refrigerator so it will be cold the next morning.

That has no relevance to the rest of the post. Just a fun fact I thought I would toss out there - because that is what I did last night before going to bed.

Wednesday has become my favorite day of the week. For one it means the week is half over, but more importantly it is usually the day Marine gets to call.

This morning at 6 a.m. my phone goes off and I nearly fall out of the bed trying to answer it. I don't wake up gracefully.

From the other end comes Marine's voice and for 20 minutes life is wonderful.

Sappy right?

Hate to tell you, you've got 7 more months of sappy (or 6 hopefully *fingers crossed*).

It was great just to hear his voice. But so many things to say that 20 minutes a week is not nearly enough. But we make do as I recap things from here; only telling the positive things. No sense telling him the 4runner is making a new funny noise. No need for him to worry.

For anyone else going thru deployment that is reading this the number one piece of advice I would like to give is: stay positive.

Don't tell your loved one of problems at home that he can not solve. After you have solved the problem then you can tell him about it if you must. But don't send a letter telling him of the problem unless you are also telling him you have solved it.

Marine has enough going on, he doesn't need to worry about me also.

Have I mentioned how great he is?

Well I'm sure you've heard my bitch/moaning/venting about being broke? And that my hours were cut back at work? And that I've picked up a 2nd job that doesn't pay as much but hey every little bit helps?

If not.... well that pretty much sums it up.

Like everyone in America money is tight.

And Marine and I are trying to save for the Wedding.

Before he left we opened a joint checking account and set it up on auto-deposit so that we both transfer so much money into it a month.

About a month ago Roomie's wife (Marine's roommate on base's wife) invited me to Vegas for her birthday in July. I've never been to Vegas and would love to go. But last I checked round trip flight was $350. Which is embarrassingly almost more than I make in a week now with the cut hours.

Marine: "So are you flying out for Roomie's wifes birthday?"

Me: "Tickets are to expensive... I'm going to keep checking and if I can find a cheap flight I would like to go."

Marine: "You should go, you need to go do something fun. Take money out of the joint account and buy a ticket."

Me: "No I'm not going to do that!"

Marine: "Why not?"

Me: "Because you are putting more money than I am into that account and I'm not spending your money."

Marine: "It's our money. Besides I'm over here for 7 months. It's not like I'm spending any money. It's ok if you splurge. Besides I think it would be good for you and Roomie's wife to get together."

Me: "We'll see."

And I change the subject.

When in a relationship I like to be equals. On an equal playing field.

But what happens when your not? What happens when you are still haunted by the past that you can't seem to get rid of?

Marine is very money smart. Quite the little saver.

Yep, I used to be like that, and one day I plan on being so again. But I am still paying off debt from X. Now I can't blame my debt on him entirely but I can at least a good 85% of it.

Why am I responsible for the debt of the relationship and X left squeaky clean? Because sometimes its worth it to get rid of them.

Marine knows about my debt and I hope to have it paid off before we get married. But with baby showers, and four close friends getting married within the next 6 months (three of which I am in) - the debt pay off plan has taken a major hit.

So saying that I am tight when it comes to spending money is putting it a little mildly.

I appreciated Marine's offer to pay for the plane ticket. But at the same time I don't want him to pay for it - I want to be able to on my own.

What do you think?

Relationships and love are blind, so they say. I love Marine and I know he loves me despite my flaws and imperfections. But I don't want my past to affect my future. I want us to be on an equal field.

But then I guess in away you never really are. One partner will always make more money than the other (more than likely).

So now it's your turn to weigh in: Vegas or no Vegas?

Rachel: (Picking up the phone) Hello? Vegas? Yes, we would like some more alcohol, and you know, we would like some more beers too... hello? Oh wait... I forgot to dial. (There is a knock at the door)
Ross: That must be our alcohol and beers

~ Friends ~


Unwritten said...

I'm beginning to think you're my long lost clone. Seriously there are so many things about you that remind me of me!
I have the same problem with Firefighter. My job at the moment is only part time and I make less than half his salary. He knows this and is always telling me he will pay for something or the other. Right now he wants me to buy a car because he hates that I have to take public transportation. He also wants to help pay for it. In the beginning I always said no. Now I just ignore the comments. I don't know what to say. (Maybe I should blog about this too)
For you I think it's different. You and Marine are getting married. You will be sharing everything soon. So I say YES on Vegas!

Date Girl said...

I think in this situation it's ok. I'm with you-I always like to be independent and do things 50/50. But being on the reverse end and being the "money maker" in the relationship, I can tell you that Marine really and truly wants you to go. He's right, you are engaged. It's your money too, and you need a reason to get out. Just don't go crazy and spend all his money on the craps table. ;-)
Just remember you pull your 50/50 weight in other ways. Maybe it's not money, but you pull your weight by doing a lot of the planning, and when you move in together, you may find you do a lot more around the house, or he may do all the cooking, you the cleaning, or something to that effect. As Match says, it all evens out in the end.

One of The Guys said...

If you believe him, which I do, then go. He sounds like the kind of guy that wouldn't just say it if he didn't mean it. And he also knows that his deployment is difficult on you as well. You're a team.
A little side note: My wife is 7 years younger than me. When we met, I had saved a decent amount of money. I was a school teacher and musician, with a shitty car and apt. saving money like crazy. I should have splurged more for sure. My wife was younger, had a great car, a decent job, but was in debt. Nothing crazy, but enough that we had to have a plan to pay it off.
But I was fine with it. It was clear that saving money and dealing money was a strength for me and not as much for her. Or it could have been that she was younger and knew how to enjoy life more, which is something I learned from her. So we each bring strengths and challenges to the relationship. Marine loves you. Go to Vegas and have fun. He'll be happy.
Was that a lecture? Sorry, I didn't mean it to be. I'm getting some damn gray hair. That must be it!

Nadette said...

i didn't even read the story yet. i can't now. you're with marine. marine (not yours) broke my heart. bless your strength.
damn marines.

Nicole said...

I think you should go. If anything, a little distraction might be much needed and it really does sound like Marine wants you to go as well.

And your Friends quote just made my day. That's probably my favorite episode ever of the show and anytime someone knocks on a door, I ask if it's Vegas with our alcohol and beers. No one ever laughs.

I say, go to Vegas!

phoebe said...

i love that friends episode. hilarious.

i think you should go to vegas. like date girl said, it may not be 50/50 financially, but it will all even out in the end.