The setting: Olive Garden
The cast: Me, Babbles, and random Girlfriend
The subject: Babbles's 50ish year old, single mother.
Babbles, "So my mother's washing machine is broke and she's been bringing clothes over to my house to wash them. We are sitting in the living room and I hear the machine go off. I get up and head for the laundry room to throw them in the dryer."
Girlfriend and I are waiting, not seeing anything traumatic about this situation yet.
Babbles continues, "I'm pulling towels out of the washing machine and putting them on the dryer when what should fall on the floor?......"
Babbles, "A CONDOM!!!"
**Shriek***--------------- **GASP** ------------ **hysterical laughter**!!!!!
Me catching my breath, "A new condom."
Babbles, "Oh no... it was used!"
Girlfriend, "How do you know?"
Babbles, "How do I know? What do you mean 'how do I know?' How the hell do you think I know! There was a condom stretched out on my laundry room floor!"
Me, "Did you find a wrapper?"
Girlfriend, "Were forgetting the most important question here......." She looks around at us, "Who did the condom belong to?"
Babbles, "I don't know!"
Me, "You didn't ask?"
Babbles, "Hell no I didn't ask!"
Me, "Well what did you do?"
Babbles, "I threw it away!"
Girlfriend, "Why didn't you ask?"
She gives us a deadpan look, "Because I don't want to know."
Girlfriend and I in unison, "WE DO!"
Babbles, "Well I didn't want to hear about her sex life."
Girlfriend, "I'm going to ask her."
Babbles, "You go right ahead. You deal with her."
I will never wash towels without laughing again.