Monday, May 17, 2010

Crazy Cat Lady

So last week was crazy hectic.I house sat for a lady I worked with while she was out of town.

When I told her I would house sit and babysit her dogs, I really only thought about the extra cash I could deposit in the wedding fund. I didn't pause to think about the other factors. Other factors being the cats.

Now I like cats and  I've always had barn cats, but never inside cats.

I'm going to sum up last week for you.... I think it's safe to say I will never be a crazy old cat lady....

Day 1 (Saturday):

I open the door and am greeted by two eager dachshunds. They are friendly and sweet. This should be easy. Then I realize there are four other pairs of eyes also watching as I make my way thru the front door. 


She has inside cats. 

I did not sign up for this......

There is a note on the counter saying that the cats go in and out at there leisure ---- "Just make sure they are inside before you go to bed" -- it reads.

Two of the cats are standing by the door. I let them out. Several hours later I open the door and Frank (the big guy) saunters in the room. The other cat who I never learned his name but called him Demon (photo unavailable) sits in the yard illuminated by the flood lights. He just looks at me. I call to him. He remains frozen. I step onto the porch and he bolts. 


I wait about 20 minutes and I once again turn on the lights. I open the door and peak out hoping to hold on to the element of surprise. Demon is now resting casually in a rocking chair. 

I remain steady eye contact with him and ease out of the door talking calmly. I take two steps forward and he bolts, leaps off the porch and doesn't slow down. He reaches the edge of the flood lights and keeps on booking it. 

At this point I give up and decide to go to bed. 

Yeah less than 24 hours and I've lost a cat. 

Great house sitter I'm turning out to be.

Day 2 (Sunday):

I wake up and my allergies are killing me! Head stopped up, eyes itching. I feed everybody, and turn the dogs out into the fenced in backyard. When I open the door there sits Demon. Our eyes meet and once again he bolts. 

Well at least he's still alive, thats gotta count for something.... right?

Day 3 (Monday):

2 a.m. ~ I am awoken by a dog trying to climb on top of my head, one cat chasing another around the room, the cat that hides under the bed all day is now sitting on the end of the bed meowing as if auditioning for a Meow Mix commercial, the other dog is curled up closer to me than I would have thought possible and  the other cat..... well he was unaccounted for but plotting something in the other room I'm sure.

Forget Animal House; I'm in Animal Hell. 

Day 4 (Tuesday):

My allergies are worse today. The cat hair is everywhere. Even on the clean clothes still carefully sealed up in my suitcase. The dogs are cute but have no manners and think that an appropriate sleeping place is on top of my head. 

Marine calls and I tell him that I think the cats are conspiring to kill me. He doesn't seemed convinced.

Day 5 (Wednesday):

I return home from work and I open the back door to let the dogs in and as soon as the door opens a grey blur flees by my feet. I turn to see Demon as he races down the stairs surely to a hiding spot unbeknown-est to me. Our silent agreement is to pretend the other doesn't exist. 

I feed the cats and dogs and curl up on the sofa with Giggles to eat pizza and watch "Did you Hear About the Morgans" as I plop down she hands me a beer. I'm hoping the beer will dull the slow death the cats are trying to inflict. 

Frank comes to curl up at my feet. Despite the allergies I can't help but like this cat that is larger than the dogs. I reach down and pet him but then quickly wash my hands. My eyes didn't pop out of my head.... maybe the beer is working.


4 a.m. I am now getting used to the small dog who is once again tempting to curl up in my hair. I am getting used to the cat that is convinced he must serenade me during the night and only pauses if you throw a pillow at him. I am even used to the the cat in the kitchen who finds amusement emptying the complete food bowl onto the kitchen floor every night.

But what the heck is that other noise? 

*Bang*Bang*Bang* I hear something skirting across the floor and the pounding of feet chasing it.

"QUIT!!!" I yell.


Thank you God! - I silently pray.

I am nearly back asleep when the noise starts up again... "QUIT!"


And the soccer game resumes. "UGH!!! You have got to be kidding!" I sit up the dog on my head rolling down the pillow from my sudden movement. I flip on the bedside lamp and I see two cats scatter. 

The Singer stops and flees under the bed - her normal spot unless it is absolutely dark.

The two guilty cats have high tailed it out of the room at this point. I get out of bed to see what could have been making so much noise. There soccer ball..... was a hair band. A HAIR BAND!

How can a hair band be so loud you ask? When treated like a soccer ball on hardwood floors.... yeah it's loud.

Take my word for it.

All this before sunrise. 

Day 7 (Thursday):

Still convinced the cats are out to get me but Marine's FOB has a mobile unit there today. Phones calls and Facebook chat allow us to talk more than all the other times added together in the past two months. I'm so happy that I surmise if the cats do kill me at least I will die happy.

Day 8 (Friday):

I awake to my eyes almost swollen closed yet they still itch so much I want to claw them out, my head is stopped up, the benadryl has ceased to work entirely and I think this is it. 

But no fear I've made it!!! Throw the bags in the car and I'm outta here!  Which I do quickly and even arrive at work early deciding on the way I'm just going to have to burn my clothes. The cat hair is that bad.

Plus side to this experience -  I know I can never be a crazy old cat lady. 

Phoebe: [singing] Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault. They won't take you to the vet, you're obviously not their favorite pet. You may not be a bed of roses, and you're no friend to those with noses.
~ Friends ~


Date Girl said...

I'm such a dog person. I hate how skiddish cats are, and I'm just as allergic as you. You poor girl! We can be crazy dog ladies together instead of cat ladies. :-)

phoebe said...

this is absolutely hilarious!! i mean i'm totally sorry that you were allergic to the cats (the boy takes claritin for his allergies to my girls), but i can totally picture this. i have 1 cat and she pulls some of that stuff too. granted she is strictly indoors, but she finds the strangest things to play soccer with. hairbands have def been on the playing field as has been her food. yes, she will take pieces of her food and play with it.
cats and dogs are the darndest animals. gotta love them! i could really go on for days with stories of each of them.
ps. my cat is 2x bigger than my dog. haha.