Saturday, June 22, 2013

Famous Last Words - My Kid Will Never Act Like That

Maddie feeding the chickens
Vixen, my friend who swore she would never have kids, is pregnant. I like to think it's cause Maddie wore her down and made her realize that kids were fun. And that just because you have a kid doesn't mean your life stops. I mean Maddie is a trooper and goes everywhere with us whether it be to a horse show, out hiking. hauling hay.... you name it, if Marine and I are there so is Maddie.

I knew eventually Vixen would cave. But till she did I kept all the pregnancy horror stories to myself. I painted her the happy picture of rainbows and flowers leaving out the dreaded morning sickness and endless heartburn. I also only tell her the joys of motherhood with a few terror stories here and there.

Maddie hauling hay
But now that she's pregnant and in full morning sickness swing, it's time for to learn the truth and meet Maddie the Destroyer and see what she has to look forward to. Lucky for Vixen though Maddie loves her Aunt Vixen and tries to contain her most destructive unruly moments for when her and I are home alone.

Today Vixen had asked if I would go with her to Babies R Us to register.  In case you don't remember it was Vixen and Giggles who went with me when it was my time to register. And what an experience that was!!  Now though we are not blind leading the blind. She is taking me as her "baby expert" in hopes this time we will semi-know what we are doing.

We get the registry gun and once again find ourselves standing in front of the never-ending wall of bottles.

"So which of these do I need?" Vixen asks.

"Well I guess that is kind of a personal preference. I mean Blondie used the Nuks. But Maddie used to spit up real bad so I used the Dr. Brown's. Everyone likes different ones for different reasons so just depends on which ones you want to try." I ramble on.

Vixen looks at me and looks at Maddie who is offering a mischievous grin from her seat in the buggy.

"Dr. Brown's worked for Maddie and she's turned out good so Dr. Brown's it is." She says scanning a pack of bottles.

We progress to the next section.

Now let me pause here and offer a word of advice to those that may not have children yet. Have you ever been out somewhere and seen a kid misbehaving and thought to yourself, 'my kid will never act like that.'? If you have, NEVER think that again!! Just look at the kid and say a quick prayer for their mother to have patience and strength. "My kid will never act like that" is famous last words and a surefire guarantee your kid will act like that..

I was one of those unbeknownst judgmental people who thought my kid would never act like that...... I was wrong.

That child is my child.

She is a terror. A wolf in sheep's clothing. She looks all sweet an innocent..... then the red head kicks in.

I like to blame it on Marine. My mom has said I was such a calm and laid back child....... Marine's mom admits that Marine was a little on the active side.......

So there we are in Babies R Us and Maddie decides she no longer needs to listen to anything I say and that running around the store is perfectly acceptable...... I quickly grab her and tell her that if she doesn't want to go back in the buggy she will walk with Vixen and me and hold my hand.

She shakes her head no, pulls her hand away, and takes off down the aisle at a bouncy run laughter trailing in her wake.

I dart after her and grab her giving her one more stern warning.

She rebels again.

"Alright that's it." I say picking her up. This angers the beast more and she begins to pitch what can only be called a fit.

I try to calm her down. Nothing is working and we are past the point of bribes and threats.

She is acting out and I know that we are at a pivot-able moment.

And then for the first time ever I pull down her pants and pop her on the bare butt.

She freezes and becomes silent. She looks at me and then at Vixen with a look that seemed to say, "can you believe she just did that?" then the silence passes and she burst into screams and tears. I pick her up and am putting her in the buggy explaining to her why she got a spanking and telling her she can't act like that. She has to act like a sweet little girl.

At that moment a male sales associate comes up to us eyeing my screaming bloody murder child, "Ladies is there anything I can help you with?"

My back is half turned as I am focusing all my energy on Maddie.

"No we're good," Says Vixen with a forced smile.

"Ok..........." He says drawing it out as Maddie's cries start to calm, "Let me know if you need anything." He turns and walks away.

I turn to Vixen, "You better scan quick. I'd say we have exactly 5 minutes before child services shows up."


Needless to say child services never showed up..... maybe it is still ok to spank your child in public. Or maybe the sales guy saw the 5 minutes before the spanking on the security camera and decided I was justified. Either way after that Maddie once again became my sweet little angle. 

Sitting in the buggy pointing and laughing as she showed Aunt Vixen exactly what she needed to register for. 

I'm not sure if it has to do with me going back to work or with the age but Maddie has been acting out more lately. Testing her boundaries. Seems today though I won and the boundary line has been clearly drawn. I'm hoping that one little pop will last a lifetime and never have to be repeated. It may be true when they say 'it hurts me more than it does you', cause it broke my heart to do it. 

But Mom I need them both!
After Babies R Us we made a quick stop at the mall and since she had been so good the rest of the day and through lunch I decided she need a little reward for good behavior. So while Vixen was looking at maternity clothes Maddie I stopped in the Disney Store. Most of the toys were for slightly older kids so I steered the stroller to the stuffed animal wall telling Maddie she could pick out one. After showing her the selection she made a grab for Minnie and Piglett. I was laughing as I would tell her to pick one and she would laugh and pull them both tight hugging them to her. Of course by the time I get the phone out to snap a pic you can't tell so much she is laugh as trying to convince me why she needs both. 

How can you tell that face no? So I figured we would be going home with both. But Maddie is definitely going to be a shoe girl and a bargain shopper! We pass by a sale rack that has shoes on it and Maddie spots a pair of pink Minnie Mouse sandals and she points and makes her I want that noise. I look and they have her size and are on sale for $3.00. I show them to her and ask if she wants them. She throws Minnie Mouse down and reaches for the shoes. Safe to say my wallet got the better end of that deal. 

Overall it was a great day and Maddie and I both enjoyed spending it with Vixen. Can't wait till her little one gets here. I hope that she will have a terror to! lol 

Friday, June 21, 2013

Always Listen To Your Gut

So part of my new year's resolution to myself was to blog more. I was thinking once a week..... at least once a month..... I've failed miserably.

Tonight though I find myself home alone and yearning to write!

Why am I home alone?

The boys are back in town! lol yes the song plays in my head even as I typed that. Marine's USMC buddies (3 of them) are in town for a visit. We haven't seen them in over two years so they were a site for sore eyes. Marine and Roommates bromance is back in full force. I'm so happy for Marine to get to spend time with his best friend. I take for grant that I can see my bestie as often as I do. So this weekend Marine and his buddies headed over to the family camper that is parked at lake campsite over the summer.

Perfect night for a girls night! So after dinner with her Aunt Vixen, Maddie and I came home and I was all excited about time just the two of us....... well Maddie fell asleep on the way home and went right back to sleep as soon as I laid her in her bed. So that means party is postponed till around 2 am!

So I made a big leap a few weeks back and decided to go back to work full time. When I originally took the job a few years ago my gut had told me not to take it and I had ignored it. The job was ok, the people were great, but working with an office of women all under the age of 35 was a little to much drama for me. So when I went part time it was good. And it clouded my memory of before. Then the offer came. My boss got promoted and I was offered a promotion to her previous job position. Great salary, pretty good benefits..... of course I would have to come back full time.....

The debate began. Marine told me wasn't going to give an opinion. It had to be my decision.

They then tell me starting in September the company is going to offer daycare at work. The daycare would be small, only about 5 kids.

This made the decision tougher to make. My gut told me not to take it. But my head said this was a great opportunity. I admit I may have been blinded by the money..... I convinced myself that if I didn't take the job I would be being selfish. That I know I wanted to stay home with Maddie but what about in a few years when she starts school? What would I do then? Go back to a low paying receptionist job? I thought of all the money Marine and I would be able to save. The money we could put into finishing out the new house. The money we could put towards Maddie's college fund. I mean we have been living on Marine's income so my new salary could mostly go into savings.

My gut still had alarm bells going off. I ignored them. And decided it would be best for the family if I took this possibly once in a life time offer.

I accepted the job stressing that I was accepting it due to the upcoming daycare. My boss said that over the summer I could come back to work and her daughter could watch Maddie at the office. There was an empty office in the back that could be turned into a playroom. "It'll be fine!" she said.

Now maybe I should mention her daughter is 12.

I knew this wouldn't work. But I knew if I didn't at least try it I could kiss the job goodbye. So I made arrangements with the 12 year old and settled on a babysitting salary I would pay her each week for watching Maddie at the office.

On June 3rd I went back to work full time.

Needless to say it took 2 weeks for Maddie to break me. Maddie is not much for going to work. The first day was good because it was something new. The second day.... not so good. And it has only went down hill from there. We now pull in the parking lot and Maddie say's "mama no, no."

So the second week in I cave and tell my boss I can't keep doing this. That I understand her daughter is trying hard and is doing a good job Maddie is just used to being more active. I mean Maddie has never stayed home an entire day in her life. I mean we always go to the barn every day to feed horses and the chickens. And most days we go Marine's restaurant to eat lunch with him after the lunch rush has ended. So staying in place all day was not her idea of fun.

I thought it would get better as she adjusted to the new routine. But when you can hear crying from a few doors down and her desperately saying "Mama... mama..." your heart melts and you realize no amount of money is worth it.

Maddie knows I'm in the same building so I know that is probably part of the problem.

I have since been juggling trying to make the best of the situation. Marine's mom has also pitched in keeping Maddie 2 days a week.

I keep telling myself that if we can just make it two more months problem will be solved.

Then I learn this last week that we more than likely are not going to be getting a daycare.....

*****crickets chirping******

Marine and I have both agreed we really don't want to put Maddie in actual day care. And call me old fashioned.... maybe it's because my mom was a stay at home mom.... but I want to raise Maddie. I don't want a stranger raising her. I want to be the one to teach her things. I want to be the one to see her as she tries to experience new things. I want her to learn our families values, not those of someone else.

Now don't get me wrong I know that most families have to have two incomes in this day and age. With the price of gas and food it is nearly impossible to get by on one income like earlier generations were able to.

But when working part time I realized just how many things you can really do without. And you know what? You don't even really miss all that stuff you once thought you needed.

After 3 weeks of not seeing Maddie but a few hours a day I've determined two things.
1. Somethings are more valuable than money
2. Always listen to your guy

I know I'm being Debbie Downer as I wallow in stupid self pity. I mean with all the "real" problems in the world this is ridiculous to even waste blog space over. I get that. But since Aunt Flow is currently visiting I will chalk up crazy hormones as being one of the author's behind this post.

I write in hopes that I will one day look back and read this and know that I made the right decision.

But what should that decision be?

Back to the drawing board.... Do I suck it up and deal with it? Or do I follow my heart and return to being a full time stay at home mom?